There has been quite a buzz lately about vaginal rejuvenation surgery and labioplasty.  It’s surprising how many women consider these options, and how many men suggest risky and potentially harmful surgeries to their partners.

Lissa Rankin, M.D. is a practicing gynecologist and she has written an article about vaginal rejuvenation surgery that I wanted to share with you all.  Hop on over to her blog and read Vaginal Rejuvenation Surgery: The Horror, The Horror now.  It’s a great read if you have a vagina or just really love them (Read, for both men and women).

When you are done reading that, come back to the HappyHer.com Blog and read about natural ways of toning and tightening that doesn’t rely on surgery.  Sexual Workout for Better Sex includes tips for the men and the ladies, and Kegel Exercises for Women will give you a great routine to get started with better vaginal health.

Sex is the most important thing in life, along with food.  We wouldn’t be here without either of those things.  Healthy eating helps us prolong our life, so does a healthy sex life.  Read more about the benefits of sex if you need a reminder to how crucial sex is to a healthy adult.

One of the most common complaints we hear is that one part of a couple isn’t satisfied with the amount of sex they get to have with their mate.  So, we thought we would list out some of the most important things you can do to have and maintain a happy sex life with your partner.

How to Have a Happy Sex Life

Sex needs to be kept a priority. Many times life gets in the way.  We have jobs, kids, a mortgage, and other events that pull our attention away from creating a wonderful sex life for ourselves and our partner.  Some people shy away from scheduling sex, saying it’s not sexy if it’s not spontaneous.  But scheduled sex can be very exciting.  You have a chance to plan and prepare, you can spend time before hand leaving each other suggestive messages about what they might be in store for during your sex date.

Keep sex exciting. Even if you are very conservative and not into “kink”, you can still find lots of things to do to keep sex from getting boring.  Try stretching your limits a bit and explore new ideas.  Take turns finding new things to try with each other and new ways to turn each other on.  Read a book, watch a movie, email us, there are tons of ideas out there.

RELAX! It’s life, we all live it, and we aren’t going to get out of it alive.  We all have our own issues, work problems, family issues, money issues, it seems like every day has some new challenge.  Stress, anxiety and fear are some of the biggest libido killers.  Nip them in the bud, even if you need professional help in order to get these three things under control.  It’s worth it to know how to live life in a relaxed and joyful manner, and THAT’S sexy!

Come to terms with your body. Many of us get to the point where we are embarassed for our lover to see our body.  We insist that the lights be kept off and do everything we can to keep them from seeing how flawed we are.  The sad part of that is it’s all bullshit.  Turn on the lights and if your lover has an issue, it’s THEIR issue, not yours.  In the meantime, you can do what you can to get and stay in shape for yourself to feel better about you, but don’t allow your sex life to suffer just because you are too critical of yourself.

Take care of issues. We ALL have issues, and unfortunately many issues seem to effect our sex life.  Whether it’s past
sexual abuse, low self esteem, or issues with our lovers, we need to work those issues out.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Many people are hesitant to get counseling because they feel it’s shameful or too expensive.  But look around your area or online, many therapists will work with you at an affordable rate.  You can also look into support groups for victims of abuse.  Those are free and have lots of people ready to help support and encourage you to feel better.

Granted, if you and your lover are having issues with each other, then both of you have to be willing to work through
them.  The secret here is many times a lover doesn’t understand how issues outside the bedroom can effect issues inside the bedroom.  But they do, and they need to be worked through.  Learning how to negotiate with your partner will help SO much with this.  Notice I said negotiate and not compromise.  Never compromise.  You’ll both lose.  Negotiate until you are both happy with the negotiations.  The Golden Key to Unlocking Your Soulmate Relationship works wonders for couples looking to work through issues and get back to good loving.

See a doctor. Get a checkup if you feel your sex drive is low and there is no other explanation.  Sometimes, especially
as we age, our hormones need some help.  You won’t know if you don’t talk to your doctor.  Be careful of medications
that will lower your sex drive as well and ask your doctor what you can do to help alleviate that symptom so that you
can maintain a happy sex life.

Keep yourself aroused and in the mood. Do whatever does it for you, as long as it’s in line with what’s acceptable within your relationship. It’s truly not up to your partner to do all the work to make sure YOU are turned on, you gotta do some of that for yourself.

Turn yourself on.  Some people get turned on by wearing sexy lingerie, other’s like sexy movies, and books.  Porn is a very popular way, but sometimes it’s an issue.  Discuss that with your partner first, but at least books or magazines should be acceptable.  There are all sorts of turn ons from music, to dancing, to even gardening, or working out.  Find out what your turn ons are and pursue them avidly.

Keep the mood set. A clean, inviting home and bedroom helps create a welcoming environment for sex.  Seductive
smells like vanilla, sandalwood, pumpkin pie spice are all aromas that invite sensuality.  Keep your bedroom free of
clutter, family pictures (Come on, how sexy do you feel when little Junior’s face is smiling out of that frame?), old bed
clothes are so not sexy.  Make it a point to keep your area prepared for lovin’.

I hope these tips have helped to get your creative juices flowing.  With a little time, attention and effort, there is no reason why the two of you can’t maintain a happy sex life for years to come.  If worse comes to worse, make sure and do it sometimes too even when you aren’t in the mood.  Your partner deserves the health benefits and you never know,
sometimes you’ll have incredible sex after you’ve decided to do it regardless of whether you feel like it or not.

There are specific keys to not only succeeding in your relationships, but to create a relationship that is everything you could possibly ever hope or dream of. We all have those dreams in our hearts, what it feels like and looks like to be loved fully and to share a joyful life with our own true love. Many of us intend to create that in our life, but then we find out that things don’t just naturally fall, or stay in place the way we thought they might.

That is where specific keys come into play. If you use the keys, it will unlock the full potential of your relationship. We’ve all heard how “Communication is key”. Other people say that “Having similar belief systems is key”. While those topics might hold merit, it’s simply not the truth of what will make your relationship grow and deepen into the type of happy life together that you could fully reach.

The Golden Key to Unlocking Your Soulmate Relationship is the only program that addresses the absolutely most important keys that make a relationship worth holding onto for your whole life. I want to share one of those keys with you now.  You can start to apply this key to your relationship immediately, and see how effective it is.

The Validation Key

The most simple definition of validation is that it is to confirm what your are observing, hearing, or witnessing about another person. As simple as it sounds, it’s one of the most important basic emotional needs.

Everyone Needs to Feel Validated

To feel validated helps us to feel that we matter, that we will be thought of. When this need is not met early in life, there is a huge risk of personality, mental, and emotional disorders, such as Bi-Polar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and other stress related illnesses and neurosis. As adults we also suffer severe damage when we are in an invalidating environment.

It only makes sense that if you want a thriving relationship, that you do everything possible to provide an environment that is validating for yourself and your partner. In fact, many times, part of our original attraction to each other was that validated feeling we got when we were around each other.

We couldn’t keep our eyes, hands, or minds away from each other. We accepted and acknowledged each other and the reciprocal validation lead us to fall deeper and deeper in love. As time goes on, those validating moments get lost in the shuffle of life and of beginning to take each other for granted, that’s typically when the “honeymoon is over”.

Learning to Validate Yourself and Others is a Critical Key to Unlocking True Relationship Success

Consider this:  Painful feelings that are expressed, acknowledged and validated by a trusted listener will diminish. Painful feelings that are ignored will gain strength.

If you really want to lower the amount of conflict and issues with your partner, then validating their feelings is the FIRST step. Often it’s the last step as well which can be a blessed event in and of itself. But what usually happens is one person voices a concern or feeling, they are treated with invalidating actions or responses, so they escalate their emotions in order to try to have them paid attention to. Or, the person that feels invalidated will shut down and I’m sure you can see how either of these responses to feeling invalidated are not going to help your relationship remain as happy as it could be.

Examples of Invalidating Actions:

• Your partner shares their feelings and you say “You shouldn’t feel that way”, Or “What about how I’m feeling?”, or “Don’t be stupid”. Or worse yet, “You just want to bitch”.

• Your partner is trying to talk to you, but you only half listen while you continue to play video games, watch t.v., type on your computer, text, or some other form of rudeness. Yes, that is rude. Look at someone when they are talking to you, when your life is over you’ll wish you’d spent more time paying attention to your loved ones than your material possessions, so give them your time willingly.

• You immediately say “I don’t have time for this”, “Don’t even go there”, or “I don’t want to talk about it”. If you are truly that crunched for time, or if the topic is too sensitive to talk about at that moment then let your partner know FIRST that you realize that what they have to say is important. Then let them know this moment is not good for you and suggest a time when you will be better able to communicate with them. It might look like this, “Honey, I see this is something we need to talk about. I am really tied up right now, but want to give you my full attention. Can we talk in about fifteen minutes?”

• You are in the middle of a conversation or argument and you’ve had enough.  So, you get up and leave the room without saying a word to your partner.  This will create feelings of abandonment in your partner that won’t be easy to shake and it will damage the trust your partner has in you that they are emotionally safe with you.

Now that you know what not to do, let’s talk about working on validating each other instead. Your communication levels will become more open, loving and trusting. Walls of resentment, abandonment issues and trust issues will melt away. Caustic elevations of arguing, complaining, bickering and nagging will also become a thing of the past.

Validating is Simple, Use this Three Step Method:

Okay, before I get into the three step method, I have to tell you that it IS a simple process. It’s very difficult to excel in. Practice makes progress though and this is a practice you definitely want to become very serious about if you hope to create the best possible relationship.

The Three Step Method:

• Validating another person means you listen to them. Put down the cell phone, stop texting, look AT your partner, and listen to them.

• The second step is to to accept what they are saying and back that up with a supporting comment or action (Such as a hug or assuring touch). Now, this is important. You do not have to agree with what was said. You might think your partner is irrational, off their rocker, and completely wrong. It is invalidating and just plain offensive to point that out and won’t help the situation, so just don’t go there.

• So, you accept what they said. At this point, you may ask for clarification to make sure you understand them completely. Then repeat these three steps until your partner feels as if they have been completely able to share with you.

While you are working these steps, refrain from trying to jump in and fix things. Keep your judgments and critical thoughts to yourself. A person’s feelings are never wrong. Write that down.

A side note about feelings:  You don’t choose your feelings, you choose what you want to do about them.  Feelings are the weather inside our bodies. Just as we don’t always like a rainy day, we don’t always like our own feelings. Being able to voice our feelings and feel accepted and acknowledged even when those feelings aren’t the most pleasant is very important to sustaining the type of relationship where love and intimacy will continue to stay vital and strong.

Don’t take my word for all of this though. Try it out yourself and watch how your partner blooms with the feelings of love and security they’ll feel when they are truly validated as a worthy person in your life.

This key is just a small example of the other 8 keys towards The Golden Key to Unlock Your Soulmate Relationship. The other keys are filled with questions, homework, one on one coaching, couple’s coaching, and so much more.

If you feel your relationship is worth investing in, then this is definitely the program you want to become involved in. More information about this program including testimonials from other couples can be found HERE.