We at HappyHer.com get a multitude of questions from curious readers about what is BDSM, why is it becoming so mainstream, and, most importantly, how to “do it”. BDSM is an umbrella term that stands for Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. But if you’ve been looking around the web at all, I’m sure you all ready figured that out by now.

What more people want to know is how to do it, how do you introduce it to your partner, and are you a total freak for being curious and aroused by this? We promise to get to all of your questions, in this article and articles to follow. Let’s start with the very basics.

1. Bondage, obviously, is being tied up, or cuffed into hand and/or leg cuffs. Bondage can be simple, like silk straps loosely tying just your hands, or it can mean full bondage gear where you are completely bound and can’t move. The Beginner’s Bondage Kit, Beginner’s Silk Rope Bondage Kit, or the Chains of Love Bondage Kit are excellent beginner sets to start your explorations with. It’s an absolute thrill to either be tied up and “forced” to submit to what your partner has in mind for you, or to tie your partner and see them helpless and left vulnerable to your teasing and sex play. Some good tips are to make sure you don’t cut off circulation, and don’t ever leave a bound person alone. When someone is bound, it’s up to your imagination on what to do from that point. You can tickle them with feathers, whip them, lightly or not so lightly, whatever you have discussed in advance are okay things to try, let your imagination run wild and have a blast!

3. Discipline is the use of rules and punishment and rewards. It can be very fun and simple such as making your partner complete a task, maybe to put on a certain outfit when they get home from work. If they do that without being reminded, then they get a reward (Use your imagination!), if they don’t do as you asked, then they get punished, maybe an over-the-knee spanking? Again, use your imagination and create your own rules, punishment, and rewards. Make sure it’s all communicated and agreed upon ahead of time.

4. Domination is being in control, in this sense; it would be the person that is control of the other partner(s) involved, or over the “scene”. A scene is what BDSM sex play time is often called. Some partner(s) will know right off the bat who should be Dominant, and who should be submissive, and some partners will like to take turns. There are no rules, so make up your own with what you feel most turned on by. A dominant has the responsibility of taking care of their submissive(s) by making sure of their safety and not pushing their limits more than they have agreed to do, and absolutely listen to the safe word. If your submissive uses it, you must stop what you are doing immediately and spend some time talking. Much trust is given to someone in control, so make sure you are respectful of that trust. It’s up to you and your partner(s) whether you are a nice, loving dominant person, or if you get very strict and even humiliating, make sure and communicate this topic thoroughly before you begin. Whatever you decide, keep your sense of humor; remember, it’s “sex play”, not “sex work”.

5. A submissive is the partner(s) that submits to the dominant. How submissive you are willing to be, and for how long you want to be submissive is up to you and your dominant to discuss. You could be submissive by doing all sorts of different things, even cleaning the house, or being used for a footstool. Explore all the ways you might submit to your dominant and have your limits clearly set ahead of time. Submitting to your partner(s) is a gift to them, and should be pleasurable and a gift in kind to you as well.

6. Sadism refers to gaining pleasure or getting excited by causing pain or humiliation to another person. A sadist might enjoy giving light pain, such as spanking or applying nipple clamps on another person, to more extreme pain such as whipping. The main thing to remember is to stay in control and to respect the person’s limits of how much they have agreed to endure.

7. Masochists enjoy receiving pain. Not the every day painful events such as stubbing your toe, or paper cuts. We are talking about pain that comes about from agreed upon activities, such as spanking, clamps, or other pain play. It might be light pain or heavy and is up to the person to decide how much pain is pleasurable for them and how much they are willing to take.

If you want to experiment with S & M, there are no rules other than to stay Safe, Sane, and Consensual. You might want to start with light whipping, with a whip such as a Tickle Whip which allows light whipping and tickling. Have fun and see how much you can give and take with your partner. You might want to try nipple clamps or a beaded cock ring with ball harness.

We will talk more about specific techniques, tips, and tricks with BDSM scene play. Make sure and sign up so you don’t miss a thing! If you have suggestions or advice for newbies, please share your stories with us!