In the BDSM community Safe, Sane, and Consensual is the slogan that comes before all others. It’s the first most important aspect of any partner play. Whether you experiment with alternative sex or the most conservative sex, always begin with staying Safe, Sane, and Consensual! This is quite simply the best way of staying healthy and safe within your sexual adventures.

Safe. Take all precautions to insure the safety of you and your partner(s). Whether that means wearing condoms, dental dams, never leaving someone alone if they are bound and gagged, to always starting slow with any new act to make sure you don’t damage yourself or your partner. Many partners arrange a “safe word” to be used if a partner feels the need to stop what you are doing for any reason. Good words for this is “yellow” for slow down or back off of what you are doing and “RED” meaning stop immediately and communicate with your partner to find out what’s going on. Safety can also make sure you are in an emotionally and physically supported relationship before sharing sexual experiences with a partner. Do not progress to any other activity until you are assured that you and your partner(s) safety is going to be the top priority.

Sane. Make sure whatever you are doing has been well thought out and is not unrealistic. For example, avoid situations where either you or your partner(s) are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. An inebriated person is not going to have the focus to keep safety as the top priority because they are going to get caught up in the moment. They may force things that shouldn’t be forced or not notice when their own bodies are getting damaged instead of just stimulated. *Remember, damage is in the mind of the beholder, some like bruises, but anything that requires a trip to the hospital is going too far, make sure these limits are well explored and communicated before you start to play.

Consensual. This means that all partners involved agree on what, how, when and any other specifics that are going to happen. It’s important to state limits. For example, if you want to try bondage, maybe that means just your hands tied, with a way you can comfortably release yourself if you want to, for others, it will mean they want completely bound where they can’t move and can’t release themselves. These kind of details need to be discussed up front to make sure everyone is comfortable and willing to do whatever it is you are hoping to explore.

After you have made sure that the experiences you wish to pursue are Safe, Sane, and Consensual, then you can really let loose and explore your wildest fantasies!