Most sexual fantasies involve dominating or being dominated by another.  Some of us fantasize about total domination and some of us fantasize about total submission. Some of us fantasize about both, and occasionally at the same time!

Every person that has these fantasies has questioned how do you even start?  What do you do?  How do you act?  How do you know your partner will like it?  The questions keep coming to the point that some people get scared off from even trying.  But it’s actually very easy once you get started.  We want to help with some tips and we encourage you to take those first steps towards fulfilling your erotic imaginings.

The first step, assuming you have a partner, is to get those fantasies out in the open and then decide together what you are both willing to try.  Domination includes any act that one person controls and the other person submits to.  This could be in the form of verbal domination, telling your partner what to do and if they don’t do it, they get “punished” with punishment ranging from being verbally punished, tickled or spanked lightly, to an all out pain fest.  The fantasies could be about bondage, sensory deprivation, or a myriad of other topics.  For a complete list, refer to the BDSM checklist.

Once you’ve discussed all the topics you both want or are at least willing to try once.  Then talk about a general safe word that will be used for your play times.  This is most important!  A safe word is a word that means either slow down/ease up, or STOP IMMEDIATELY.  Yellow for caution and red for stop are nice clear words that are easy to remember.  If red is called, you stop, talk about what was going on and if you should continue in a different way or switch to an activity more comfortable for your partner.  This safe word is a pact of trust and should always be given the utmost respect.

Now that all that talk is out of the way, you are ready to begin.  Choose an activity that interests you both and get started.  Take your time and remember that dominating your partner is a gift and a responsibility.  Even if your activity, or “Scene” as it’s commonly referred to is about you being completely selfish and taking your own pleasure from the moment, you still have to keep your partner’s health, safety, and well being in mind.  This is the most critical aspect of dominating.  Then, remember these points:

• This is a time of exploring and discovering things, not about “doing it right”.
• You don’t have to change your entire personality to dominate, unless you want to, then go for it.
• Watch your partner to see how they are reacting and adjust your actions accordingly to how you want them to react.
• Remember what you talked about in regard to what they are willing to experiment with and always remember the safe words.
• Expect that some things will be awkward at first and expect that you will have to back off some things and do more of other things.
• It’s all about learning and the learning curve is something that can be a lot of fun as long as you respect each other and keep a playful sense of humor about it.

Stay tuned for How to Submit to Your Lover.  In the meantime, go to the list and choose what you would like to experience, gather up any “props” that you might need and keep an open line of communication with your partner.  Props can be anything at all that you decide on.  It could be restraints, blindfolds, handcuffs, whips, a feather tickler, ice cubes, or any number of other devices, and it could just be your own willingness to dive into the most erotic encounters you’ve ever known.