Us folks here at HappyHer.com get so many questions from people worried about their relationship and how they can rekindle their passion.  Many times, the answer isn’t some new sex tip or technique.  It’s about something much more simple.  It’s about using manners and about how you treat your partner on a day to day basis.

For some reason people fall in love, become a partnership and start treating each other worse than they treat others.  On one hand, being able to take your partner for granted, and treating them with less formality than you treat others is a feeling of comfort.  Yet, it’s a selfish comfort with the consequences of diminished passion for each other and other not so wonderful consequences, the most extreme being affairs or separation.

When you use impeccable manners with others, but not your partner, you are giving them the message that they are “less than”.  Using better manners at work, in social events, and even in stores and on the streets, but not to your partner or in your home life is a form of disrespect.  It can also be a subtle form of emotional abuse.  So, even though it might be comforting for you to not hold yourself up to the same standards with your partner, your partner needs and deserves the highest standards of anyone else in your life.

Some of the top ways you can tell if you’ve allowed your best behavior to slip with your partner is if you start to notice that they have a lack of desire for sex, or start to show passive aggressive behavior.  Your partner may seem irritable and “bitchy” with you, or seem quiet and distant, with no reason for that behavior that you can think of.

But before you point fingers and complain about how difficult your partner is, or what a real bitch or asshole they are turning into.  Do a check up on yourself to see how you might be contributing.  If you feel you are doing a great job in your part of the partnership, read no further, but first let’s double check with just a few quick questions:

How often do you ask them about their personal life, health, how they are doing?  Trick question here, how often do you REALLY ASK AND LISTEN to them about how/what they are doing?

• Good Answer – Daily, but it does seem sort of routine and mostly smarmy.  (Hey, at least you care enough to be smarmy with them, but can you do better?)
• Bad Answer – If they wanted me to know they’ll tell me and I’ll half-assed listen while I’m busy doing something else.
• Best Answer – I set everything else aside and look at them while I ask them and listen carefully when they answer.

How often do you initiate non-sex related affection?  Not the quick smack on the ass either.  I’m talking a passionate hug, deep kiss, or at the very least, look into their eyes when you tell them you love them.

• Good Answer – Daily.
• Bad Answer – I “go along” with them if they initiate it first.
• Best Answer – Several times a day.  (Come on lovers, several times a day could equate to under five minutes of non-sex related passion and is so important, don’t be skimpy with this).

How often do you do something that is just for your partner?  Do you surprise them with a gift out of the blue sometimes, or take over one of their chores without them asking you first?

• Good Answer – Fairly regularly.
• Bad Answer – I’m too busy to have to think about doing extra things for them on top of my own busy schedule.
• Best Answer – I have it in my schedule to remind me to do whatever I can find for the day to do for them.

What about common decency type of manners?  I’m not going to go into specifics, because if you haven’t learned common manners at this point, then you need more help than what this article is intended for.

• Good Answer – I say “Please and Thank You” at appropriate times, or “excuse me” if the need arises.
• Bad Answer – I honestly just don’t think about it, isn’t my partner just supposed to love me anyway?
• Best Answer – I treat my partner as the most honored guest in my life, always.

Really give yourself some time on these questions, you are the only judge of yourself here.  If you feel you are falling short, then decide if an apology is needed, or just start over by giving yourself the goal of having the Best Answers next time around.  Because even if you can give your partner the most earth shattering orgasms they ever had and are the World’s Best Lover, without those day to day manners, your partnership isn’t going to reach the heights of passion that you could be enjoying.

If you answered “Best Answer” to all of these, and it really is something else going on with your partner, or that perhaps your partner is the one that needs to brush up on THEIR manners, direct them to this article.  In the meantime, you still have to do your own part if you really want or hope that your partner will do their part too.