What does your significant other, life partner, or spouse know about you that you don’t know about yourself? You might be surprised.

The concept that others know things about “me” that I don’t know about myself was first introduced to me in a college class where I learned about the Johari Window.

The Johari Window is a cognitive psychological tool which helps you see yourself in comparison with how others see you.

It’s a little disturbing to think that you know who you are, but the one you love most might see you in a totally different way. Even married partners often silently think things about each other that they keep to ourselves.

I have come up with three things your significant other could know but not be willing to tell you. Read on, the solutions are also included.

Unless it’s said in anger to pull your strings, your spouse may not really tell you that:

1. You are a bad listener

2. You are boring

3. You are untrustworthy

You are a bad listener

There is nothing that makes a person feel more loved than to be heard. Many men like to solve problems so instead of listening they start spouting out advice. Women often multi-task or criticize instead of being present.
The solution: Be silent while the other person is talking and try to “feel” what he or she feels. Then acknowledge them by saying something like, “it sounds like you were really frustrated.” They will either nod in agreement or give you more information to let you know if you are on track or not.

Be willing to have the integrity to admit when you aren’t listening or when you have drifted off. Say for example your wife Mary calls you about something that seems trivial to you. You can catch yourself and say, “Mary, I’m sorry. I got distracted and started reading an e-mail. I’m trying to end this habit by calling it out. Please forgive me. Would you repeat what you just said?” Believe me, Mary will be so impressed and I’ll guarantee you will start to change your habit.

You are boring

No one is going to say it, even if they think it. So what makes for an interesting versus boring person? Well, this list is a long one. Let’s look at some things folks might do to bore YOU, then see if any of these also apply to you.

• She talks about herself non-stop.

• He can’t tell a story in less than ten minutes with too many details to count.

• He is dogmatic, narrow minded and opinionated.

• She is negative Nelly.

The solution is about changing habits. Here are four places to start: ask a question, open your mind, be curious and say something positive. Track the time you spend talking about yourself. Learn how to ask an open ended question and not only will your partner think you are the most interesting person in the world, you will also be the life of any party.

You are untrustworthy

This one can be shocking because you thought you were trustworthy. What makes someone see you as undependable is making a promise then not following through. Men are known to say, “I’ll get it fixed when the weather clears up, when I get this other project finished, when…” Women often have a habit of gossiping about their personal issues with their women friends. Both men and women can be guilty of getting their mom or other family members involved with their relationship drama.

The solution:
My advice to men is to set a date to do what you said you will do and then do it, or hire it done so that you can keep your word. My advice to women is to go easy on discussing your marriage or your personal relationship with every friend. This makes men feel that you can’t be trusted. Finally, keep your drama between the two of you private. Trying to get others to take sides will backfire in the end.
So, here’s the question: What does your significant other know about you that you don’t know about yourself?

Marlene Chism is the author of Success is a Given and the founder of The Stop Your Drama Methodology. You can see more at www.stopyourdrama.com

We are thrilled that Marlene took the time to offer this information for us.  What your partner thinks about you has a direct impact on the level of passion and intimacy that’s maintained.  Make attempts to communicate and work through any issues on a healthy level and get back to some good loving!  If you need assistance, contact Marlene or another capable coach or counselor.