In many long term relationships, one or the other partner stops the pursuit of passion. This leaves the other partner feeling uncared for, unloved, and frankly pretty pissed off.  Sex and affection is the first thing that goes. The upset person may be uncomplaining, but the excuses to avoid intimacy start coming up more and more often.

In turn, the other person either starts complaining about the lack of sex, or begins to create distance themselves in response. Pretty soon there is a wide chasm between you, filled probably with misunderstandings, resentments, and unfulfilled needs coming from both parties.  This is where your relationship can become vulnerable to affairs, or become damaged to the point that you aren’t sure if you can continue on together.

To keep that from happening in your relationship, or to recover if this is currently happening in your relationship, the first thing you need to do is quit blaming the other person. Sure, maybe they are the ones distancing themselves from you and avoiding sex. But are you absolutely sure it’s not because of other unaddressed issues between the two of you?

Take this self-inventory and be brutally honest with yourself. If you feel you are falling short in any of these areas, then you might want to get to work on improving these points. If you feel you are doing everything perfectly, then skip this part and tell your partner what a selfish jerk they are, but chances are, you have your own part to play in this whether you want to admit it or not.

Self Inventory

• Do you take time to connect with your partner every day?

• Do you ask them how they are and really listen to them every day?

• Do you look to see how you can be of help in your partners life or your shared domestic life, if not every day, then at least almost every day?

• Do you do your fair share of domestic duties? If you both work equal hours outside the house, then you need to pitch in equal hours with the house and children too.

• If your partner shares your feelings with you, do you respect them and value what they have to say?  Remember respecting them is not the same as agreeing with them.  Or, do you put them down, dismiss them, argue with them, and/or criticize them?

• Do you pursue some sort of affection every day? (Not just a swat at their ass when they walk by you either, some real affection like a ten second hug or passionate kiss….)

• Are you putting your partner/spouse first and most important in your life? Your partner should come before the children, before other family members, and before anyone else in the rest of the world.  Anything else is not honoring them as your true life partner, they quite simply must come first.

• Do you include them in on decisions and keep them up to date with what is going on in your life?

• Do you freely, and KINDLY share your feelings with them?

• Do you approach issues without finger pointing blaming, accusing, or yelling?

• Are you honestly doing your best to keep your partner swept off their feet with romantic gestures?

Those are some hard questions aren’t they? They are some of the most important points in keeping your love alive though. Make it a point to start to improve on those points and keep this self-inventory as a reminder to you about what you are supposed to do.

In the overall scheme of things, it’s the small daily reminders of love and romance that keep the passion alive. Sure, the grand extravagant statements are wonderful, but if you only dole those out a couple times a year, your partner is probably on a starvation love diet and craving for more.

It is the small daily loving gestures and honest efforts in being a helpful life partner that take careful practice and diligence. It can sometimes seem harder than it sounds even though this is about doing things for the person that is supposed to be the love of your life.

But, do your own part anyway and start doing it today! Chances are your relationship will make a huge turn for the better as your partner starts to feel that they are once again appreciated and desired by you.