Lissa Rankin, M.D. is a practicing gynecologist and she has written an article about vaginal rejuvenation surgery that I wanted to share with you all.  Hop on over to her blog and read Vaginal Rejuvenation Surgery: The Horror, The Horror now.  It’s a great read if you have a vagina or just really love them (Read, for both men and women).

When you are done reading that, come back to the HappyHer.com Blog and read about natural ways of toning and tightening that doesn’t rely on surgery.  Sexual Workout for Better Sex includes tips for the men and the ladies, and Kegel Exercises for Women will give you a great routine to get started with better vaginal health.

That is where specific keys come into play. If you use the keys, it will unlock the full potential of your relationship. We’ve all heard how “Communication is key”. Other people say that “Having similar belief systems is key”. While those topics might hold merit, it’s simply not the truth of what will make your relationship grow and deepen into the type of happy life together that you could fully reach.

The Golden Key to Unlocking Your Soulmate Relationship is the only program that addresses the absolutely most important keys that make a relationship worth holding onto for your whole life. I want to share one of those keys with you now.  You can start to apply this key to your relationship immediately, and see how effective it is.

The Validation Key

The most simple definition of validation is that it is to confirm what your are observing, hearing, or witnessing about another person. As simple as it sounds, it’s one of the most important basic emotional needs.

Everyone Needs to Feel Validated

To feel validated helps us to feel that we matter, that we will be thought of. When this need is not met early in life, there is a huge risk of personality, mental, and emotional disorders, such as Bi-Polar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and other stress related illnesses and neurosis. As adults we also suffer severe damage when we are in an invalidating environment.

It only makes sense that if you want a thriving relationship, that you do everything possible to provide an environment that is validating for yourself and your partner. In fact, many times, part of our original attraction to each other was that validated feeling we got when we were around each other.

We couldn’t keep our eyes, hands, or minds away from each other. We accepted and acknowledged each other and the reciprocal validation lead us to fall deeper and deeper in love. As time goes on, those validating moments get lost in the shuffle of life and of beginning to take each other for granted, that’s typically when the “honeymoon is over”.

Learning to Validate Yourself and Others is a Critical Key to Unlocking True Relationship Success

Consider this:  Painful feelings that are expressed, acknowledged and validated by a trusted listener will diminish. Painful feelings that are ignored will gain strength.

If you really want to lower the amount of conflict and issues with your partner, then validating their feelings is the FIRST step. Often it’s the last step as well which can be a blessed event in and of itself. But what usually happens is one person voices a concern or feeling, they are treated with invalidating actions or responses, so they escalate their emotions in order to try to have them paid attention to. Or, the person that feels invalidated will shut down and I’m sure you can see how either of these responses to feeling invalidated are not going to help your relationship remain as happy as it could be.

Examples of Invalidating Actions:

• Your partner shares their feelings and you say “You shouldn’t feel that way”, Or “What about how I’m feeling?”, or “Don’t be stupid”. Or worse yet, “You just want to bitch”.

• Your partner is trying to talk to you, but you only half listen while you continue to play video games, watch t.v., type on your computer, text, or some other form of rudeness. Yes, that is rude. Look at someone when they are talking to you, when your life is over you’ll wish you’d spent more time paying attention to your loved ones than your material possessions, so give them your time willingly.

• You immediately say “I don’t have time for this”, “Don’t even go there”, or “I don’t want to talk about it”. If you are truly that crunched for time, or if the topic is too sensitive to talk about at that moment then let your partner know FIRST that you realize that what they have to say is important. Then let them know this moment is not good for you and suggest a time when you will be better able to communicate with them. It might look like this, “Honey, I see this is something we need to talk about. I am really tied up right now, but want to give you my full attention. Can we talk in about fifteen minutes?”

• You are in the middle of a conversation or argument and you’ve had enough.  So, you get up and leave the room without saying a word to your partner.  This will create feelings of abandonment in your partner that won’t be easy to shake and it will damage the trust your partner has in you that they are emotionally safe with you.

Now that you know what not to do, let’s talk about working on validating each other instead. Your communication levels will become more open, loving and trusting. Walls of resentment, abandonment issues and trust issues will melt away. Caustic elevations of arguing, complaining, bickering and nagging will also become a thing of the past.

Validating is Simple, Use this Three Step Method:

Okay, before I get into the three step method, I have to tell you that it IS a simple process. It’s very difficult to excel in. Practice makes progress though and this is a practice you definitely want to become very serious about if you hope to create the best possible relationship.

The Three Step Method:

• Validating another person means you listen to them. Put down the cell phone, stop texting, look AT your partner, and listen to them.

• The second step is to to accept what they are saying and back that up with a supporting comment or action (Such as a hug or assuring touch). Now, this is important. You do not have to agree with what was said. You might think your partner is irrational, off their rocker, and completely wrong. It is invalidating and just plain offensive to point that out and won’t help the situation, so just don’t go there.

• So, you accept what they said. At this point, you may ask for clarification to make sure you understand them completely. Then repeat these three steps until your partner feels as if they have been completely able to share with you.

While you are working these steps, refrain from trying to jump in and fix things. Keep your judgments and critical thoughts to yourself. A person’s feelings are never wrong. Write that down.

A side note about feelings:  You don’t choose your feelings, you choose what you want to do about them.  Feelings are the weather inside our bodies. Just as we don’t always like a rainy day, we don’t always like our own feelings. Being able to voice our feelings and feel accepted and acknowledged even when those feelings aren’t the most pleasant is very important to sustaining the type of relationship where love and intimacy will continue to stay vital and strong.

Don’t take my word for all of this though. Try it out yourself and watch how your partner blooms with the feelings of love and security they’ll feel when they are truly validated as a worthy person in your life.

This key is just a small example of the other 8 keys towards The Golden Key to Unlock Your Soulmate Relationship. The other keys are filled with questions, homework, one on one coaching, couple’s coaching, and so much more.

If you feel your relationship is worth investing in, then this is definitely the program you want to become involved in. More information about this program including testimonials from other couples can be found HERE.

Now for the occasional mild pat or slap on the ass, it’s typically something you just do without too much thought when you are in a long term relationship. You just can’t help yourself but to touch your partner in playful ways like that. For anything more intense than that, you need to first make sure your partner is in agreement.

If your partner agrees to being spanked, or spanking you, then the negotiations can begin. Is it to be done strictly in role play settings (Such as “naughty schoolgirl”), or can it be done anytime? Can it be done naked? With your bare hand only? Can you use other items such as whips, paddles, wooden spoons, etc?

Next, choose some safe words to use. “Yellow” for slow down/lighten up, and “Red” for stop are great words that can be used. Once this is finalized, let the play begin!

Use these tips for Erotic Spankings:

• “Warm Up” the area with soft spanks, rubbing, massaging.

• Start soft and build up to the point that your partner states is enough for them.

• Have a sense of humor, it’s called sex “play” for a reason.

• Totally respect your partners wishes in regard to how much to do, how much pressure to use and if they want just light love taps to a full blown whipping.

• Always, always, always, use good aftercare manners.

• Read Spanking Etiquette.

Aftercare for spanking depends on how much you spanked your partner. It could be a little massage and words of how sexy they are, to getting a cool towel to cool them off with. Your partner may be so turned on that aftercare will have to wait until after you’ve given them whatever release it is they feel they need. This is totally up to you and your partner to figure that part of it out.

Spanking is sexy fun and a huge turn on for many people. Some people find it repulsive and will not want to bother even experimenting. And of course, there are many in betweens.  If you do both decide it’s something you would like to discover together, then take your time and have fun. You will find this can be a very exciting new way to connect with each other.

Skin Play for Sensual Bliss will also give you some more advance tips on using ideas like spanking to spice up your sex life.

Sexual Workout for Women

The primary sexual exercise for women are Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises work out the muscles inside the vagina which will leave you feeling tighter and will become a more pleasurable fit for your partner. Believe me ladies, if you work out these muscles and use them during sex with your partner, he is going to go out of this world with pleasure!

The easiest way to learn to perform Kegel exercises is to stop and start urinating in mid stream. Once you get the hang of that, you can practice them anytime, anywhere. Start slow with squeezing those muscles to a count of four and then releasing for a count of four. Do ten sets of these two to three times a day and work up to about ten to fifteen seconds of holding action.

You may also want to look into getting Smart Balls or Ben Wa Balls. They will give you something to grip and hold onto. After just a short time of working out with Kegel exercises, you will notice a great improvement in sexual performance. Not only that, but you will help prevent urinary incontinence in your later years!

Sexual Workout for Men

Men, you are very lucky. There are exercises you can do that will give you stronger ejaculations, will control the direction of your erection, increase volume of semen, give you a healthier prostate, prevent urine leakage in your later years, and even more than that! But most important, nothing beats a good hard, strong penis to help with giving your lady the kind of sex that will keep her happy and begging for more. Is that enough to motivate you? I hope so, let’s get started!

Kegels for Men

Yes, men, you have muscles in there too, just like the ladies that need a good workout. The directions for this are exactly the same as for the ladies except for two big differences. One is, only do these three to four times a week and work your way up to more slowly. If you over-do it, you won’t be able to get an erection until you’ve rested up for a bit. Also, you don’t have the tools to use as the ladies do, but you don’t need them.

In a short time you’ll notice that you’ve increased the strength of these muscles. Show off that new found strength by doing your Kegels when you are inside your partner. You can tap just the right spots inside and can give each of you immense orgasms!

Penis Lifts

This exercise will increase the size of your penis by bulking it up and increasing the girth. It will also increase the strength and we all ready talked about how nice that will be for you and your partner! The added girth will also be greatly appreciated by your partner!

* Sit at the edge of your seat and make your penis fully erect.
* Hang a face cloth over the base of your penis and contract your penis muscles to make the erection stand all the way up.
* Hold this position for three seconds and then work up to five seconds. Do five reps for three sets and work up to ten reps for five sets two to three times a week.
* As you get stronger, you can wet the wash cloth to give it some weight, and then start to slowly move it up closer and closer to the head of your penis.

The Jelq Workout

If you master this one, your penis size will quite literally be in your own hands! This exercise should be done daily. Make sure to start slow and easy and gently, this is very important. Going to fast or too rough will do more damage than good, so be patient with yourself!

* Before you begin this exercise, and then afterward, you want to apply a hot compress on the genitals. You can use a hot towel for this, as hot as what is comfortable. This will warm the tissues up and is important to begin to increase the flow of blood to the penis.
* After your hot compress, you want to use some lube, don’t be shy with the lube, it’s an important part of this workout.
* Starting with a semi-erection and don’t do this exercise with an erect penis, take breaks if you have to.
* Encircle the base of your penis with one hand. Ensure that no blood escapes.
* While holding the base with one hand, use your other hand to move towards the head of your penis, forcing the blood upwards.
* If the urge to ejaculate begins to overwhelm you, take a break and try again at another time. You don’t want to ejaculate during this exercise.

What all this does is rebuilds and expands the The corpora cavernosa and the corpus spongiosum, or the spongy tissues inside your penis. The ligaments of the penis (Suspensory ligament) will become lengthened making your penis stronger and larger. In a few months time, you will notice an improvement in penis size, in the girth and length. Long-time practitioners of this workout have claimed up to several inches of length are possible.

Guys, I would also suggest you invest in a good penis pump and use it. That offers a great, and fun workout as well.

The Dare!

Now that you have some exercises, there is no excuse! Get started with these exercises as soon as possible. I dare someone to do these consistently for one month and then let us know how it worked for you!

CAT allows clit stimulation during regular orgasm which many intercourse positions do not allow.  We do recommend using plenty of lube with this position and to adjust it according to the amount of clit stimulation you are comfortable with.    This position takes the missionary position to new levels of excitement and satisfaction.

How to “Do” CAT

• Get into missionary position.  You know, woman on her back on the bottom and man on top between her legs.

• Woman’s legs should be slightly bent.

• Man should position himself higher than normal, using his arms to hold himself up better, but relax his upper body.

• Allow the woman to create most of the movement and notice the contact between her clit and the base of his penis.

• Try rocking back and forth and even side to side a bit, focusing on this contact with the clit over typical thrusting penetration alone.

Variations:

• Woman can then wrap her legs around his so that her ankles rest on his calves.

• Man can kneel between woman’s legs, with his legs bent under him, then lean over her, and position himself higher on her body.

• Insert a small bullet before penetration, you’ll both feel exquisite vibrations.

This position takes some playing around with, but is well worth the experimentation.

I’m sorry, but those reasons are based in ignorance.  It’s like taste testing food.  How do you really know if you’ll like it, or how well they’ll work if you won’t even try them?

Sex toys aren’t meant to replace a partner.  You can never replace human touch and intimacy.  Never, ever, ever, ever.  Well, they do help for masturbating, but that’s a different story.  Using sex toys with your partner is meant to enhance and increase pleasure, offer more satisfying orgasms, and deepen physical and emotional intimacy.  How can that be wrong or bad?

You also can’t become addicted to sex toys.  You may like them so much that you feel addicted to them, but you’ll still find yourself having lots of sex without the toys.  In fact, you’ll probably more sex as there is great pleasure in variety.   Sex toys definitely help give you a broader range of variety to have adventures with.

The best sex toys for couples are created through years of testing.  I would love to be on that testing panel.  I think in a way my husband and I are as we like to check out a lot of different toys since I work with them all day anyway.  I can’t tell you how much they’ve added to our sex life.  Even the most simple toys can pack some great pleasure.  Some don’t work at all for us, and that’s okay too.  The ones that work for us, well, it’s worth the “duds’ for sure.  The duds still offer us something to laugh about and deepen our intimacy as we further learn what works and what doesn’t for each of us.

My reccomendation is to get some sex toys and try them out.  What have you got to lose?  Perhaps a few dollars, but most toys can be purchased for pennies on the dollar and the experience itself can be priceless.  After you’ve actually tried them once or twice, then you can make intelligent choices and you might just find your sex life going to new levels of excitement!

The Top Three Sex Toys for Couples:

Here is our pick of “starter” toys that each couple should take the time to try at least once.

• A Cockring.  A cockring is created to give a man a stronger erection with some major lasting power.  His orgasm will be significantly more intense.  Overall, this is a win-win situation for both people.  Get a cockring that is adjustable, or super stretchy to start with and see for yourself how amazing it can be.  If you like it, try a cockring that has a vibrator attached to it too for some extra delights for both of you.  You can learn how to use a Cockring HERE.

• A Bullet or Egg Vibrator.  This are small powerhouses of vibration.  They can be used to massage both of you and are exquisite to adding new levels of sensation to oral sex on either one of you.  They can be inserted vaginally (We don’t recommend anal insertion of these vibes), you can then continue with intercourse with the bullet inserted as well and you’d be amazed at how much you both may enjoy this.  You can also use it for clitoral stimulation, or perineum stimulation during intercourse as well.

• A Dildo Vibrator.  Start with a small one that won’t seem intimidating. It’s great for foreplay on each other, or to use to help finish your partner off with if you don’t last as long.  Some women can’t orgasm without a vibrator.  That’s just how some women are physically wired and is exactly why vibrators were invented in the first place.  Try it and you’ll see what satisfaction and pleasure can be accomplished.

• Don’t forget the lube!  Most sex toys work best when you use some lube with them.  Even if you use no other sex toy, lube can come in handy time and time again.

So, let’s get honest.  We use tools for everything in life.  We use them to help make our tasks easier and more pleasant to accomplish.  Well, sex toys are tools, and they are toys.  They are tools because they will do things for you that you can’t do by yourself.  Kind of like you wouldn’t change a tire with your bare hands.  They are toys because they are FUN.  Doesn’t your relationship deserve at least a chance to try them?

Now, you might wonder why we would post a health article at an intimacy site.  We feel it’s an important part of relationships to address though as living together isn’t always sexy.  But keeping the intimacy strong throughout the more challenging times is going to help keep the passion’s flame burning bright between the two of you.  That is, after all, what HappyHer.com is all about.

First Things First

Everyone has their own needs when they don’t feel well.  Find out what your partner needs when they are sick and do your best to honor that.  It doesn’t matter if you understand or agree, what matters is what they feel they need.

Some people want to be left completely alone.  They can’t stand to be bothered or talked to.  If your partner is like this, then at least bring them cold drinks, a damp cloth for their forehead,and let them know to please let you know anything they need.  Then, other than visually checking on them every so often, Leave them alone!

Other people need tender loving care.  Make sure you are available for them, ask if a massage or warm bath would help them, wipe their hands and faces with a tepid damp cloth, and be their physically for them.  Now, these people also have to have alone time to heal, but checking in visually and asking them if they would like anything will really help them.  Offer specific ideas like hot tea with honey, chipped ice, toast, or chicken soup and allow them to feel as if you are actively participating in their recovery.

This is really the most important part of nurturing and truly caring for a sick partner.  If your partner needs left alone, it will be irritating for them to have you hovering over them.  If your partner needs tender loving care, then they might feel abandoned and resentful if you aren’t there for them.  So, make sure you understand what is going to help you help them, and then do it to the best of your ability.

Things to Have on Hand for a Sick Spouse:

Pick through these items to know what your spouse would prefer to have on hand in case they fall ill:

• Ginger Ale (Make sure it has real ginger in it, it calms the stomach)
• Any over the counter meds that will help relieve their symptoms
• Chipped Ice
• Chicken Soup (home-made if possible, if not, then cans will work)
• Jello
• Graham Crackers
• Toast
• Bananas
• Soda Crackers
• Tea with Honey
• Heating Pad or Ice Pack
• Gatorade (This may be a little harsh, but will help rehydrate them if they can handle it)

Other Idea That May Help a Sick Spouse

• Do they need to see the doctor?  You make the appointment and drive them there and back.  Pick up any prescriptions for them and any other items they may need while they rest as much as possible.

• Keep the house quiet.  Your partner needs rest and extra calm.  If you have young kids see if someone can watch them away from the house, or keep them active with some quiet time activities the best you can.  If you have teens, make sure they keep the volume down.

• Sleep in a different room for a couple of nights.  It will give you both a better night’s sleep, especially if the sick partner needs some extra room to toss and turn more than normal.

• Pick up the slack.  When your partner starts to feel better, the last thing they need is stacks of left over chores or other work to contend with.  They still need time to regain their equilibrium and ease back into a healthy strength and energy level.  Do what you can to take care of items they would normally do.

• Give them the care they need until THEY feel better.  Most people do great at care-taking for the first day or so, but your partner may need a week or even longer.  Even when they start to get up and around a bit, continue the extra care taking until you are quite sure they are feeling absolutely better.

• Screen phone calls for them and keep house guests away.  This is their time to heal and having company or a lot of social activity going on is just inappropriate.

• If you had plans and were expecting them to watch the kids, cancel your plans and stay home, or get a sitter.  Don’t leave a sick spouse with responsibilities when it’s apparent that they aren’t up for it.

If You are Both Sick

If you are both sick, then you have to work as a team.  If one person gets up to get a drink, or anything else for that matter, ask your spouse if they need anything.  Check in on each other the best you can.  If you are the one that likes to be left alone, still try to give your partner some tender loving care.  If you are the one that needs tender loving care, ask your partner to indulge you for what they can, but be patient with them since they need to feel their needs are being met as well.

Take Care of YOU

When taking care of a sick spouse, take extra good care of yourself to keep from getting sick along with them.  Wash your hands often.  Use hand sanitizer often too.  Keep their area cleaned up and use some Lysol Spray all around the house.  Get your rest and give yourself a special treat for being such a great partner!

Print this Guide to Taking Care of a Sick Spouse and use it to make a plan to have on hand.  Hopefully, you’ll rarely have to worry about taking care of a sick spouse, but people do get sick and it sure will help a lot if you have a plan.  Your spouse will recover much faster when they are taken better care of and the intimacy level of your partnership will deepen as you are fully sharing in each others lives, for better, or for worse.

Marriage. living together,  having a significant other, seeing each other and no one else, those are all forms of monogamy.  When a person falls deeply in love, or at least deeply into infatuation, monogamy is a no brainer.  You simply can’t imagine sharing that energy with another person.  But it isn’t always like that, sometimes monogamy is a choice that’s made despite some major temptations or personal issues such as intimacy issues or low self esteem.  That’s where monogamy becomes a challenge and starts to lose the shine, and sometimes turn into something so negative, that people don’t even want to use that word anymore.

Even still, there are many benefits to monogamy and it’s still a highly pursued choice made by most of the population today.  Marriage rates are up and divorce rates are down, so even though monogamy seems to be loaded with negativity, love, romance, passion, marriage, and relationships seem to be on the upswing.  The Bridal Industry is booming and the trend is still to find “The One” whether you are a man or a woman.  Research has shown that monogamy is a mainstay and even though we love to hate it, we’ll continue

How Monogamy Leads to the Best Sex:

I’m sure you’ve all heard that remaining in a monogamous relationship will increase your health and life span, enable you to have a more stable financial future, provide a more stable family life, blah, blah, blah…  But have you stopped to consider the opportunities of increasing your passion in a monogamous relationship?

• Monogamous couples have more sex.
• You learn each others bodies just as well or even better than you know your own.
• Trust grows and inhibitions relax.
• You learn exactly how to turn each other on.
• You are more invested in the relationship, so you try harder.  When you try harder, you are assured of better results.
• Performance isn’t something to stress about because you know if you make a mistake, you’ll get another opportunity.
• You are more apt to try new things and find new ways to stimulate each other, bringing greater intimacy.
• You learn more about yourself with your monogamous lover than you’ll ever learn with anyone else in your life.
• Sex becomes a soul deep activity, an expression of your true inner self, not just a bang.  Although the opportunity for a quick fuck is still there too.  So, you get the best of both worlds.

I know many of you at this point, especially if you are in a long term monogamous relationship may be questioning these benefits.  Maybe you feel left to wonder why you aren’t experiencing them in your own relationship as much as you’d hoped.  Perhaps there are issues that have come between you and your partner’s ability to create the passionate life together as you had originally envisioned or experienced during those first throes of new love.

Issues such as weight gain, infidelity, addiction, children (Children are a blessing, but not for your sex life!), health issues, or resentment issues can throw a wrench in even the most loving of relationships.  In fact life seems designed to keep your focus off each other and on immediate day to day events such as careers, extended family, hobbies, etc.

Regardless of the issues you face though, I believe that your relationship can become everything you ever dreamed it could be – and more.  In fact I’ve seen it happen time and again, even from relationships that were on the brink of total failure.  These couples went from zero to total heros, and it’s totally possible that your relationship can do the same.

HappyHer.com is diligently working to help monogamous couples and singles looking for monogamous relationships every single day.  We are looking to provide more help in way of pursuing a passion filled life and we would like your assistance.

We have created a quick nine question survey.  It’s free to take and your information is kept strictly confidential.  You won’t be signed up for any junk email, it’s just a quick survey to gain insight into your opinions on monogamy and the skills you feel are required.  This will be a great help to us in the future for designing some specific ways to help every monogamous couple live a life of passionate pursuit.  Take the survey HERE.

Green Sex Tips

• Shower together – it’s super sexy and saves water!

• Try Bamboo bedsheets!  Bamboo fabric is silky and slippery, but not as slippery as satin.  They wick away moisture, have natural antimicrobial properties, comes from a rapidly renewable resource.  What is sexier than that?

• Taste Sweeter by eating a mostly vegan diet.  Reducing red meat in your diet, and increasing your servings of fruit and vegetables will give you sweeter tasting sex juices!  Your partner will love oral so much more when you taste delicious.

• Use natural aphrodisiacs.  Before opting for pills to enhance your libido, go for natural aphrodisiacs such as Horny Goat Weed, Ginseng, and even chocolate to help increase desire.

Green Sex Toys

• Rechargeable sex toys that are phthalate free is a great way to show a commitment to taking better care of the earth!  HappyHer.com has picked out an exciting collection of rechargeable sex toys for you to choose from.

• Glass Sex Toys is also a great choice.  Glass sex toys don’t have the same toxic chemicals that are harmful to our health or the environment.  See the collection of glass sex toys that you can use alone or with your partner.  You can heat them up or cool them down with water or even in the frig for an amazing experience.

Get Free Organic Lube!

To celebrate Earth Day, HappyHer.com will give you a free bottle of Aloe Cadabra™Organic Lube.  Just place any order for over $50.00 and we will automatically send your free lube to you along with your order.  Offer is available until supplies run out.

Aloe Cadabra™ is the smooth and silky organic surprise that is more fun and safer for you than the harmful chemical brands. It’s pleasurable for you, and delightful when shared with a partner. The juicy aloe sensation is a gynecological health ally and a dream come true. This organic, all natural food grade gel soothes your most sensitive tissues with a lubricity that magically enhances all intimate encounters.  It won’t harm condoms or other synthetic toys. It’s not a spermicide and will not prevent STDs, but is safe if ingested.

Start Small

Pulling out Big Daddy Dong and going for it as if it’s a glass of ice water in the middle of Death Valley is probably going to be extremely intimidating for you and your partner for your “first time” with a sex toy.  Start with something small and on the more conservative side.  A bullet vibe is usually a great first choice, or a cockring for the men.  Don’t worry about going all the way with it the first time you get it out.  Just play around a bit with it, put it aside and pick it up some other time and slowly build with how adventurous you want to become with it.

Use the Surprise Element

“Guess what I brought home to play with Honey?” is a fun surprise.  Use the sex toy on them first.  A vibe can be used on a man partner without penetration and feels incredible if you combine it with oral or manual stimulation.  Rub it right underneath their testicles or lightly play with it all over them.  When they see how good it feels, they may want to return the favor.

Give it to Them to Use On You

Hand your sex toy to your partner and let them know you are really curious about what it’s like.  Let them know that you’ve heard so much about how sex toys can really help couple’s add some variety and spice to their sex life, that you just want to check it out.  Then let them figure out how to use it on you.  You can let them know what feels good and what doesn’t, or make suggestions like “Try this, or try it that way”.

Remember, you don’t control what your body likes or doesn’t like, your body has it’s own idea.  It’s honest and open to let your partner know what your body is feeling.  There is no room for embarrassment if you are approaching it in a more scientific way.  For example, your foot hurts if it gets stepped on and it feels good if someone rubs your shoulders.  Are you in charge of that?  Of course not.  You are not in charge of your bodies sexual responses either.  You are only in charge of how open and honest you are going to be about what your body responds to and doesn’t respond to.  Work at deepening the openess and honesty in your relationship by allowing your partner to know how your body feels during sex toy play, or any other physical activities for that matter.

Be Playful!

Have some fun, using a sex toy isn’t brain surgery.  Have a sense of humor and don’t be afraid to laugh or tease with it.
Bring out your sex toy to your partner and say “Honey, if this sex toy was you, here is what I’d want you to do to me.” Then show them what you like.  “I would want you to touch me here, like this”, and “I would want you to do this to me.”, while physically showing them.  For one part of that, your partner is going to get way turned on by the visual, for the second part, you are making it about them which will help take the focus off your feelings of embarrassment.

So, to sum it all up, be creative, start small, and keep your sense of humor.  Sex toys are fun, it’s why they are called toys.  You don’t have to start using them every time you have sex.  They are meant to enhance sex, not replace what you are all ready doing.  So, relax and have some fun.  You may find that they open the door to whole new levels of intimacy and sexual satisfaction for both you and your partner.