The first thing you have to do is know your bride-to-be’s personality, likes and dislikes. A wild child isn’t going to enjoy a spa day party and a conservative cookie would be mortified if the male strippers showed up or she is coerced into wearing a “Suck for a Buck” shirt. So, the first thing is to determine where her heart lays.

Start slow. Get everyone together at one person’s house. This is where you can give gifts, have appetizers or dinner and even do mini-makeovers to get ready for the rest of your night. If the party is to stay home for the duration, then make sure there is plenty to do. Party games, movies to watch, food to eat and beverages will be needed. If you are headed out, plan to go to places you normally don’t go and arrange your designated drivers if drinking is going to be involved.

Think outside the box. The most memorable parties are going to involve some sort of activity that you believe the bride-to-be might really enjoy, but hasn’t done yet. The wildest events I’ve heard of involved body piercings and tattoos, but that’s only because the maid of honor was certain it was something the bride wanted. It could be as simple as a new party game, or as involved as going on a mini vacation or cruise. If you have a house party and male strippers are out of the question, bring in a psychic, or some other live entertainment for something extraordinary.

Give creative gifts. Save the bridal lingerie for the bridal shower. Instead, get more risque. Give sexy gag gifts, vibrators or items for the sexiest honeymoon ever! Have some gifts on hands for the guests too. Fun gag gifts include pecker whistles or pecker pens. These gifts can really help break the ice if you are having a party where a lot of the people don’t really know each other that well.

Make sure you plan this event in plenty of time. Make reservations, send invitations, and have the decorations, gifts, and any other details completed by two to three weeks before the event just to make sure you have everything you need.

The most important rule though is to have a blast! Chances are if you are the one in charge of planning the event, you know first hand what the bride-to-be will be thrilled and surprised with. This is her last big hoopla event as a single woman. By adding those personal touches you are going to send her into wedded bliss with style and creativity.

In turn, the other person either starts complaining about the lack of sex, or begins to create distance themselves in response. Pretty soon there is a wide chasm between you, filled probably with misunderstandings, resentments, and unfulfilled needs coming from both parties.  This is where your relationship can become vulnerable to affairs, or become damaged to the point that you aren’t sure if you can continue on together.

To keep that from happening in your relationship, or to recover if this is currently happening in your relationship, the first thing you need to do is quit blaming the other person. Sure, maybe they are the ones distancing themselves from you and avoiding sex. But are you absolutely sure it’s not because of other unaddressed issues between the two of you?

Take this self-inventory and be brutally honest with yourself. If you feel you are falling short in any of these areas, then you might want to get to work on improving these points. If you feel you are doing everything perfectly, then skip this part and tell your partner what a selfish jerk they are, but chances are, you have your own part to play in this whether you want to admit it or not.

Self Inventory

• Do you take time to connect with your partner every day?

• Do you ask them how they are and really listen to them every day?

• Do you look to see how you can be of help in your partners life or your shared domestic life, if not every day, then at least almost every day?

• Do you do your fair share of domestic duties? If you both work equal hours outside the house, then you need to pitch in equal hours with the house and children too.

• If your partner shares your feelings with you, do you respect them and value what they have to say?  Remember respecting them is not the same as agreeing with them.  Or, do you put them down, dismiss them, argue with them, and/or criticize them?

• Do you pursue some sort of affection every day? (Not just a swat at their ass when they walk by you either, some real affection like a ten second hug or passionate kiss….)

• Are you putting your partner/spouse first and most important in your life? Your partner should come before the children, before other family members, and before anyone else in the rest of the world.  Anything else is not honoring them as your true life partner, they quite simply must come first.

• Do you include them in on decisions and keep them up to date with what is going on in your life?

• Do you freely, and KINDLY share your feelings with them?

• Do you approach issues without finger pointing blaming, accusing, or yelling?

• Are you honestly doing your best to keep your partner swept off their feet with romantic gestures?

Those are some hard questions aren’t they? They are some of the most important points in keeping your love alive though. Make it a point to start to improve on those points and keep this self-inventory as a reminder to you about what you are supposed to do.

In the overall scheme of things, it’s the small daily reminders of love and romance that keep the passion alive. Sure, the grand extravagant statements are wonderful, but if you only dole those out a couple times a year, your partner is probably on a starvation love diet and craving for more.

It is the small daily loving gestures and honest efforts in being a helpful life partner that take careful practice and diligence. It can sometimes seem harder than it sounds even though this is about doing things for the person that is supposed to be the love of your life.

But, do your own part anyway and start doing it today! Chances are your relationship will make a huge turn for the better as your partner starts to feel that they are once again appreciated and desired by you.

We are currently asking everyone to complete this survey to help us get a grasp on the most common issues surrounding sex and today’s couples.  It only has four quick questions, and you don’t have to register for anything.

Using the results of the survey we are going to put together something very special for you to look forward to, so stay tuned!

Click here and take the survey now!

The Benefits of Using Sex Toys

Many women simply can’t orgasm without the additional r.p.m.s that a vibrator offers.  Even women that can reach orgasm, can reach deeper, more intense orgasms with the help of a vibrator.  This doesn’t mean that your partner is inadequate, it’s just how women are physically wired.

Many men can increase and prolong their erections and have deeper orgasms by using a cockring.  Again, that is not because women just don’t know how to do it right, it’s just how men are physically wired.

Sex toys also help add fun and adventure to the bedroom to help keep your sex life vibrant and exciting.  You get the opportunity to learn different ways of turning each other one too, which is a great benefit.

The Myths and Facts of Using Sex Toys

• Sex Toys Are Only for Masturbation. Sex toys can definitely enhance masturbation, much the same as it enhances couples sex.  But sex toys are made to be shared and enjoyed with each other.

• Once You Use Sex Toys There is No Turning Back.  While sex toys enhance your sex life, you don’t become addicted to them and you can still orgasm quite well without them.  In fact, sometimes using a sex toy will teach you things about each other that will enhance your love making when you aren’t using the sex toys too, thereby enhancing “non sex toy” sex.

• Using Sex Toys Means Your Partner is Inadequate.  Enhancing your sex life with sex toys is about celebrating your partner and each other.  It does not mean one or the other of you is inadequate, if anything they are even better lovers because they are open to experiment with new and pleasurable sensations.

• Only Whores, Perverts, and Freaks Use Sex Toys.  Of course they do, but there are many people that are very conservative that enjoy sex toys too.  There are many Christian Marriage Counselors that are currently suggesting that their clients experiment with sex toys.  That would lead me to believe there is nothing sinful or whorish, perverted, or freaky about them.  Doctors frequently advise use of sex toys as well.  In fact, the first dildo was created by a doctor in order to help women overcome feelings of stress and anxiety.

• You Don’t Need a Sex Toy if You are All Ready Having Good Sex. Good sex is awesome.  Repetition and having the same good sex over and over can become repetitive and boring as hell.  Why not go out on a limb and pursue Great Sex that stays varied and exciting?

If your partner is still hesitant, start with normal household items during sex.  An ice cube for example can be an incredible feeling sex toy.  You can use it to drip melted cold water on your partner, put it in your mouth during oral sex, or run along your partner’s sweaty body.  If they agree that it was nice to use an ice cube, that will open the doorway to trying some other types of sex toys.

Sex Toys for First Timers

When choosing a sex toy for the first time together, opt for traditional sex toys that aren’t too big or intimidating looking.  A small vibrator, or bullet vibrator can be a great first time vibe.  An easy to release cockring can also be a great first toy to try out.  Keep it very gentle and slow and talk to each other throughout, such as move it here, try it there, or if it’s too rough or too light.

You might go through half a dozen sex toys before you find ones that really work for you and your partner.  That’s okay. Keep a sense of humor and exploration about it.  There are many inexpensive sex toys that are perfect for trial and error, then when you find your favorites, you can invest in some of the higher quality versions.

Don’t be afraid to ask!  You can contact us at anytime for discreet answers to your questions.  We’ve worked with thousands of couples and can help point you in the right direction for first time sex toys.

The most important part of how to talk to your partner about using sex toys is to really listen to them.  Respecting their feelings and supporting their decision is much more important in the long run.  They may be more open to sex toys at another time, so keep an open mind and look for new opportunities to bring this topic up again.

Any sexy game can be modified to tone it down or heat it up. Watch for the tips to adjust them to suit your comfort level.

#1: Erotic Dice

One dice has actions – lick, kiss, etc, the other dice has body parts – ear, neck, etc. Roll the dice, match up the action to the body part and you’ve got yourself a sexy game!

You can pick up a pair of ready-made erotic dice – hint: check out the HappyHer online store. Or you can make your own with a pair of regular dice.

When making your own, you can easily adjust the actions/body parts to match your comfort level.

Advanced: Heat things up by using sex positions, fantasies or role play ideas instead of body parts and actions.

#2: Sexy Scrabble

Scrabble is a common game that can easily be adapted to create a sexy game. Here’s how.

Limit yourselves to words that are ONLY sexy or romantic. This could include phrases, slang, etc. You can set whatever parameters work for you. Play the game as usual with those words. You can still use the points and point booster squares on the board as you would with the regular Scrabble.

Each of you can pick a sexy treat or fantasy that you want to do if you win the game. You could also have a list of “extra” sexy words and you get a special sexy treat when you are able to use one of those words.

Advanced: Anything goes for words – erotic, explicit, raunchy, etc. And be sure to choose some sexy treats that are new to both of you and different from what you usually do in the bedroom!

#3: Strip Hide N Go Seek

Take turns hiding and seeking. When you are found, you must remove one article of clothing. The game ends when you’re both naked and can’t keep your hands off each other!

Advanced: Throw some costumes into this game. Both of you dress up in a sexy costume. When you are found and have to remove an item of clothing, do it strip-tease style. Bonus points if you come up with a role play scenario to work into the game, as well!

#4: The Kissing Game

Remember playing The Drinking Game when you were younger? The Kissing Game is very similar. Here’s how you play.

Pick a movie, preferably one you both enjoy, and then pick some triggers. It helps if you are very familiar with the movie and know some of the phrases, names, etc that are used frequently throughout. Your triggers should be words, phrases, names, characters, objects or other things that appear periodically throughout the movie. Every time you hear or see one of your triggers you must kiss your partner.

Advanced: Add in some other sexy actions to go along with the kissing. You could each have your own individual triggers and have to perform a sexy act on your partner for that trigger (ie, suck a nipple or finger, lick their earlobe, go down on them, etc). If you miss a trigger (your partner has to catch it!), you have to remove a piece of clothing.

#5: The Stranger Game

The Stranger Game is a great way to get started with a bit of role playing!

Arrange to meet your partner at a local bar, club or other public gathering place. When you arrive, pretend that you do not know each other and strike up a conversation. Have fun with it and enjoy getting to know a hot stranger! You never know, the night could even end in a sexy one night stand!

Advanced: Ramp up the role play! Show up wearing a costume and assume that character for the evening. Invite your partner back to your hotel room at the end of the night for a hot one night stand!

Any of these games can be modified and adjusted however you wish. Start with the basic game and build on whatever sexy treats and penalties you want to use, as well as various rules and parameters to make it more exciting for both of you.

You can do the same thing with other games you have around the house as well. Use your imagination, re-write the rules and be sure to mix in some sexy treats that you both enjoy, as well as some new ones that you haven’t tried yet!

As you learn to play together, you’ll find that your relationship benefits in ways that you didn’t even expect!

 Jess Webb, Romantic-Couples-Games.com, Helping couples learn to play together every day.

Editorial Note:  Thank you Jess for an awesome article.  We appreciate your generosity of sharing this with us.  Playing together helps make staying together so much more fun!

• “I don’t like my body.” What are your options here?  It’s your body, you are living in it.  You still deserve pleasure and so does your partner.  Make a plan to do what you can about your body, and learn to accept what you can’t change.  Stop worrying about what your partner thinks.  They are with you, so there must be something they love about you.  Go for the love with full gusto, I promise, your partner isn’t as concerned about your body as you are.  Wear sexy lingerie to cover up a bit if you must, but do it with the lights on and see for yourself how much fun you can have, regardless of whether you are a perfect ten or not.  Besides, self confidence is the ultimate sexiness, it surprisingly has very little to do with your looks.

• “I’m afraid to lose control.” I’m sorry, but so what?  Really.  I am not being mean, just very curious.  So what if you completely lose control in front of your partner?  Don’t you think your partner would be ultimately turned on knowing they could do it for you to the point of no return?  Life’s short.  Let loose.

• “I’m afraid my partner will lose respect for me.” Well, I guess communication might be a good place to start with that one.  Honestly, I know men that have mentioned if women like a particular thing, then that means they are a slut.  Those men are just plain wrong and so are women that think a man is “gross” or “sick” to like certain things.

Here is the real scoop:

Our bodies have a mind of their own.  They like things.  Sometimes you notice your body getting turned on by things that even repel you, but your body still feels excited anyway.  There is no sense making out of that, it just IS.  It doesn’t make anyone “wrong”, “sick”, or “slutty”.  Now, the way you act on what excites your body might cross over into the “sick”, or even illegal category, but you don’t have to act on those things, and for the sake of a shorter read here, we aren’t going to address the extreme or highly illegal fetishes.

Use your common sense.  Tell your partner “I don’t know why, but for some reason when I think about _________ I feel turned on.”  Then talk about ways you might be able to experiment with whatever it is that leaves you feeling lusty.   If your partner wants to put you down for your feelings, refer them to this article.  Better yet, let me email them.  I’ll be happy to talk some sense into them!

• “I’m afraid I’ll look weird or make embarrassing noises.” If this is the case, I want you to go out of your way to look weird and make embarassing noises.  Do it with a sense of humor and adventure.  “Let’s see how weird we can make each other look, or make me make that vagina fart noise honey!”  What do you think your partner would say if you suggested that?  Do you think you might be able to have a hilarious good time and laugh a lot at each other?  That sounds like a blast to me.  Give it a try.  You might find looking weird or making embarassing noises can be great fun!

• “I am too busy or tired.” Well, dear, why are you scheduling yourself out that way?  The truth is people make time for what they feel is most important to them.  It sounds like this is a case of misdirected priorities.  You are not a victim of your own life, so rearrange your schedule so that it gives you more time and energy for one of the most important parts of your relationship.

Now there are obviously other issues that might leave you sexually frustrated.  If one or both of you have health issues, that can create some challenges in your sex life.  Make sure you are seeing your doctor and doing everything you can to overcome or manage your health issues to the best of your ability.

Perhaps you and your partner are having other issues such as arguing over domestic or parenting responsibilities, or finances.  Maybe it’s just that you don’t like how your partner does it, or you would like for them to do something that they aren’t currently doing and you don’t know how to tell them.  In all of these cases, find a good counselor and work through those issues.  Sitting around complaining about them or having on going fights about the same thing over and over is not going to help you figure them out.  Get an outside professional to help.  If you can’t afford it, then email me, I’ll work something out with you that won’t cost you a dime.

Whatever issues you are having that is leading to sexual frustration, stop complaining and do something about them.  Your health, your partners health and the state of your relationship depend on it.  No one wants a blue light special romance.  We all dream of unbounded passion and true love.  What are you waiting for?  Stop making excuses today and start giving yourself and your partner the gift of true love and passion.

In order to have a sizzling hot sex life, you have to come clean to each other.  You need to be able to discuss what you like, what you don’t like, and you also have to realize when your partner comes clean with you, it’s about their personal tastes.  It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong or bad, it just means they have unique preferences.  It would greatly behoove you to listen carefully to your partner and try to give it to them the way they say they want it, not what you think is good or hot.  Then, expect the same favor in return.

5 things you must know to truly satisfy your partner:

• What they like that you are doing now.  Ask your partner to tell you what they really like that you do and take notes.  If you hear them say, “that thing you do with your tongue during oral”, then do that thing with your tongue more and in other places as well.  Use the information you get to increase what your partner likes.

• What they don’t like about what you are doing now.  Most partners will be hesitant about answering this question as they feel it might hurt your feelings.  Ask anyway and draw them out by being specific.  For example, ask them if you use the right amount of pressure when you are manually stimulating them, do they like it this way better, or that way…., don’t grill them, but just ask some questions and see what information you can gain.  Make sure and use that information to improve your performance.

• What they would like to do different.  Maybe your a “light’s off” gal and your partner craves the visual stimulation.  Are you willing to light some candles?  Find out what they would like to do differently and if you can’t completely do what they ask due to your own preferences, at least do your best to meet them halfway.

• What they would like to do that you’ve never done before.  Some couples really enjoy completing the BDSM list and comparing notes.  Some couples enjoy watching porn together and finding new things to do that they haven’t tried before.  If your partner mentions something, then try it.  Obviously if it’s dangerous or totally against your moral standards, you may have to think of a compromise or a work around, but don’t just write something off the list that they would like just because you don’t.

• How often they want to have it.  You could be the most tuned in lover in the whole world, but if you aren’t doing it enough for your partner, then they are going to feel like they are on a starvation diet.  That is about the most unsatisfying feeling ever.  If they want it more than you, work it out and give it to them as much as possible.  Your partner comes first, so arrange your schedule, simplify your life and do your best, again, to at least meet them halfway.

Now that you know these 5 things you must know to truly satisfy your partner, you have to plan to have some communication time.  Talk about sex outside of the bedroom, during a calm, relaxed time for both of you.  Take turns sharing these things with each other and make sure you share all the information from them that you are asking them for.

Make your points nicely.  For example, if hygiene is an issue for you, instead of saying “When you come to me smelling like you ate a dogshit sandwich, it totally turns me off”, try saying, “I LOVE when you’ve just used mouthwash before you start kissing me, I would like if you would do that more often”.  Then make sure and follow up what you are asking for with appreciation when they do it.

Tips for Tuning Into to Each Other

The most satisfying lovers tune into what their partner’s passions and turn ons are and indulges them with those.  So, instead of learning some new technique, learn exactly how your partner’s body ticks so you can perform for them according to their own unique likes and dislikes.

• Masturbate for each other.  The best way to see how each other likes to be touched, is to watch each other touching yourselves.  Pay attention to how each other handles themselves and then try to duplicate that for each other.

• Role Play.  You might want to try Strict Woman with Virgin Man.  Pretend your man is a total virgin and that you are a paid sex worker being paid to teach him how to be a perfect lover.  Tell him every detail on what to do and how to do it.  That way you can show and tell your man exactly how you want it, in a very fun and sexy way.  Then trade places and allow him to be the teacher with a naughty school girl that he has to “coach”!

• Take turns tying each other up.  Get some good under the bed restraints, and then take turns showing your partner what you would like, by doing it to them.  Well, as much as possible considering the physical differences.  But ideas like tickling, massaging, licking, sucking, all over the body can be a great way to show and tell what you would like for them to do to you.

With all of these ideas, you should be able to truly satisfy your partner beyond their wildest dreams!  Remember to keep a sense of play about it and don’t worry about being perfect.  The practice is what counts the most!

Here is the HappyHer.com Challenge for all of you. Instead of looking around for new ideas that you want to try, stretch out into new territories and find some things that you feel may be a little risky for you to try. The riskier the better. You don’t have to act on them right away, just find them and start to create a list.

This list is going to be a catalyst to getting your mind primed and juiced back up for passion with your beloved. Mental stimulation is by far one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs, and thinking about all this sexy stuff, whether you act on it or not is going to create some heady results.

So, start your list by listing EVERYTHING sexual you can think of. Whether you would do it or not, just put it down there. Then, next to each item, mark with “MIGHT Try”, “Never”, or “Will talk about it”. If you find something that sends a sense of curiosity or excitement in you, but you also have fear or shame, mark “MIGHT Try” and go on to the next item. Don’t allow your brain to take over, this is about allowing your erogenous zones do the talking for once.

For some clarification on the “Will talk about it” items; Those are things that you know you will never do, but perhaps your partner has mentioned it before, or perhaps it sounds like a turn on, but you just know it’s not in the best interest of your relationship. Let’s use the example of threesomes.

Try-Sexual Talk about Threesomes

You or your partner have noticed that thinking about having a threesome is exciting for you. But you know that introducing another partner into your relationship wouldn’t be helpful. What usually happens at this point, is you both decide “Never” to do it, but there are still those exciting thoughts and feelings there and they aren’t being shared together. That reduces the possibility of some really luscious intimate connections, so we are going to fix that right now.

Surprise your partner by saying something like “If we ever did have a threesome, I would do ______ (Think of a really gorgeous actor/actress, or famous person, not someone personally known to you both)”. Then walk away and allow your partner to create thoughts and images of what that threesome would be like.

Can you imagine how your partner might be turned on at this point? Good. That will make for some really lusty sex later, even if _____ isn’t joining you. This is really a lot more powerful than a simple paragraph can contain, so just try that for yourself and notice the response. My guess is that you’ll really like it, and you’ll feel closer to each other for openly accepting a turn on, even if you never do act on it.

You could always role play it too.  Get a blow up doll!  You can do so many things with you, your partner, a blow up doll and some imagination!  Imagine the look on your partners face when they walk in the bedroom and see you and the babe waiting.  Priceless, huh?

Use your list of “Will talk about it” items as mental foreplay and have fun with it.

MIGHT Try This

Now we are going to look at your “MIGHT Try” items. These are things that you are curious about, or your body felt a reaction to,but you aren’t sure if you want to actually do it or not. Of course, the first place to start is talking to your partner about it. No shame, or fear here, just mention. “I don’t know if this is for me or not, but what if we tried _______” For this example we are going to go to our BDSM list and choose something simple, like whipping.

Whipping might not be your style. You might not be turned on to giving or receiving pain, so you rule that out. But don’t rule whipping out completely. Push yourself to see what else you might like about it. What could you do with a whip that would turn your lover on and create some fiery passion in your bedroom? Stroking and light taps on your lover, or from your lover, could “whip” you both into a fury of lust! Pun intended! Your partner seems to be in agreement to that. So you would add “get a whip” onto your list of try-sexual things to do.  Add a bit of dirty talk to this and you’ll just might have the best time ever.

As you go through your list you might find quite a few items that you might try given the right circumstances. So go through the list of “MIGHT Try” items and see what part of them you might try. Then, if your partner is willing, put them on the “Things to do” list.

Make sure and push your envelope a bit, but don’t agree to anything that you absolutely don’t feel comfortable with. The same goes for your partner. Limits are important, so even though you both need to get a little risky, you don’t have to put yourself in an undesirable position. In fact, make sure you avoid that and stick to things that you really know you are open to at least experimenting once with.

Here are some Try-sexual ideas to start with:

Role Play. This is by far one of the lustiest things you can do. It taps into that creativity that you probably haven’t fully utilized since you were a child. All of us played pretend games as children. Play pretend games now and see where it leads. You don’t have to get fancy costumes, although they can be fun! You really don’t need much at all, other than your imagination. Role play ideas could range from picking up a stranger at the grocery store, to naughty nurse, or even an adult version of cowboys and indians or cops and robbers.

Try a new sex toy. Never worked with sex toys? They are fun, easy, and non-addictive. They can create sensations that you or your partner have never felt before. If you like it, then you can use it occasionally or move on to more toys. If you don’t like it, well, at least you know you were brave enough to try. Either way, it will give you and your partner something private to share together and that’s always a wonderful thing.

Try handcuffs and blindfolds. Ask your partner to handcuff and blindfold you and give you a sensual massage or foreplay activity of your choice. Then switch places. This will allow you both to experiment and try out feeling helpless to each others touch. That vulnerability/control of each other can be a delicious stimulant for some really hot sex.

The BDSM list contains an almost unlimited amount of ideas. Don’t let the name of the list fool you, it’s not all about BDSM as you might think it is. Check it out for your own list and have your partner do the same.

Finally we get to the “I would never do that”, before you cross it off entirely ask yourself why not? Think it’s too nasty? If it’s not harmful and you think it might feel good, who cares? Isn’t part of opening up to your partner on all levels about pushing your own boundaries and knowing yourself fully and deeply too? If you are limiting yourself because of feelings of shame or guilt, then that’s not going to help reach the depths of intimacy that might really do justice to the potential that your love affair could truly reach. Obviously, if you know it’s something that is totally unappealing to you, cross it off, but keep an open mind to determine if you’ll at least talk about it, or “MIGHT Try” it under the right circumstances.

By the time you are finished with this list, you are going to have some great new ideas for you and your partner. Chances are you’ll both be turned on just creating a list in the first place. Remember to stay open minded and keep a sense of humor.

Also, one last very important tip, be accepting to everything your partner brings up. You don’t have to agree to do it, but you must not criticize them or put them down for having feelings about something that are not the same as yours. Maybe they’ll bring up something you would “NEVER” do, but at least talk with them about it first and let them know that you appreciate their openness and honesty even if you decide it’s just not for you.

Are you try-sexual?  Give it a shot and see what happens.  I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

But addiction is a strong term and anyone who suffers from addiction can tell you that the reason we seek treatment and/or recovery is because we are afraid of dying.

Did you get that?  Dying.  Addiction kills.  Now you can make a case for sex addiction killing.  HIV can kill and that is sexually transmitted so yes, sex addiction can kill.  But more importantly, sex addicts are so tortured emotionally that they run the risk of committing suicide.  So how many of these political and sports figures who have been “outed” as sex addicts of late are miserable?  Seems to me most of them are guilty of one thing: having more fun than we think they should.

As a Certified Sexologist, I work with sex addicts and the painful truth about sex addiction is that it rarely involves flying to South America to rendezvous with a lover or making it with every porn star, stripper, waitress, model, ad infinitum that catches your eye.  No, most sex addicts are jerking off to online porn while the rest of their life fails to get lived.  They go broke paying for porn, prostitutes and strippers. They are lonely because they cannot form a relationship with a real live human for free. And some sex addicts can’t even stop masturbating long enough to hold down a job.  Some of my clients have lost several jobs due to masturbating to online porn at work.

Sex addicts cannot stop.  Sex addicts are NOT having fun. Sex addicts feel like dying.

But the label “sex addict” is a convenient way to simultaneously shame and forgive our public officials, sports stars and celebrities. Labeling oneself a “sex addict” is also a very effective way to be forgiven for having too much fun.

Enough already. Sex addiction is real and it is real dangerous. But a lot of sex is just that – a lot of sex. If every married person who cheats on their spouse is a sex addict then about half of America is addicted to sex and that just aint so. A much more pervasive condition is Sexual Shame.  Most of us DO suffer from sexual shame and labeling everything from infidelity to group sex to BDSM as evidence of sex addiction only piles more sexual shame on what should be our God given right to diversity and choice.

To help YOU sort the Addiction from the Shame I have listed below Seven Ways to Tell if You are a Sex Addict or Simply Suffering from Sexual Shame:

7 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU ARE A SEX ADDICT OR SIMPLY SUFFERING FROM SEXUAL SHAME

SEXUAL SHAME:

1. You are afraid others will find out

2. Your wife or husband is threatening to leave you

3. Your church and/or religious leader (pastor, priest, rabbi, chaplain, etc.) disapproves

4. Your behavior is against the law (Homosexual sex is still illegal in some states so this is NOT an automatic indication of sex addiction!)

5. You feel guilty

6. You worry you are a sex addict

7. You feel worthless and/or bad and/or defective

SEX ADDICTION:

1. You would like to enjoy more intimacy but you can’t get off unless you do your “ritual”

2. You spend so much time having sex and/or masturbating and/or viewing online porn that you don’t have time for other things in life

3. Your sexual interests and behaviors are costing you more money than you can afford

4. Your sexual obsessions have caused you to lose one or more jobs

5. Your sexual obsessions dominate your thoughts so you can’t think of much else

6. You don’t enjoy what you are doing anymore but you can’t stop

7. You can’t stop

If you think you are suffering from either Sex Addiction or Sexual Shame, send me an email or give me a call.  I work with clients from Seattle to Miami and from London, UK to Berlin, Germany.  I love my work and I am fairly certain you will love what I can do for you.

Veronica Monet, ACS

Couples Consultant and Certified Sexologist

888.903.0050 or veronica@sexwithoutshame.com

Here is a list of the signs and what will turn them on the most.  The trick is to find out your partner’s sun sign, moon sign, and rising sign. Then put together a seduction formula based on those three signs.  You will be absolutely amazed at how well this will work for you!

Blueprint for Seduction for Each Sign:

Aries are born on March 21 through April 20

• Aries Male – The Aries male loves a challenge, and also has a big ego.  If you can find a way to stroke his ego, yet still give the impression of being “hard to get”, the fire and passion will kick in big time for this man.

• Aries Female – The Aries female is also turned on by the Chase, but strength and self-confidence is what’s going to stimulate this ladies interest.  Give her a challenge, and show her the strong side of yourself.  Soon you’ll see the fire burning behind her eyes despite her ever cool demeanor and you’ll know she’s hooked.

Taurus’ are born on April 21 through May 21

• Taurus Male – The Taurus male has a tendency to hang back a bit and is somewhat passive.  So the trick here is to take the lead, without being overly pushy or obvious about it.  Let them know what you want and indulge all five of their senses.  They’ll happily go along with your suggestions and may surprise you with some suggestions of their own.

• Taurus Female – A Taurus woman takes a bit longer to warm up, but once she’s warm, she smolders.  Appeal to her vanity by giving her gifts of bath and beauty products.  Try to find things she’s never done before and open her up to new delights.  You’ll have her eating out of your hand.

Geminis are born on May 22 through June 21

• Gemini Man – Allow your feminine nature to shine through to utterly charm him, but also find interesting topics of communication, because this man will be turned on by mental stimulation.  Pay attention to your body language, eye contact and flirting too.  Creating an ambience for romance will be noticed and appreciated by this man.

• Gemini Woman – This woman is the Diva of duality.  One minute she’s passive and wants you to take control, the next moment she’s aggressive and wants to call the shots.  Knowing when to pamper her and when to mentally spar with her could change from moment to moment, so stay on your toes and you’ll keep her enthralled.

Cancers are born June 22 through July 22

• Cancer Man – The cancer man is romantic and chivalrous.  He will relish feeling cared for and nurtured by you, but don’t be surprised, this quiet spirit has a dark, dirty side.  Teetering between Madonna and Whore is your best bet with this one, but make sure your naughtier side is only for him, he can be a bit possessive.

• Cancer Woman – This woman is raw emotion.  If you are looking for a one night stand or friends with benefits, a cancer woman is not the best choice.  She wants the white picket fence.  If you are in the for the long haul, become her knight in shining armor and she’ll melt for you.

Leos are born July 23 through August 21

• Leo Man – This is the most monogamous man of all the other signs.  He exudes sexuality and will not settle for second best.  The secret to this man is he’s looking for a Queen, not someone that will bow to him.  Let him know what you adore him for, but allow him to earn that adoration honestly.

• Leo Woman – A Leo woman fiercely pursues her passions.  Giving her the ultimate freedom, while being there to play and tease with her.  This will give her the stimulation she craves and will also allow her to feel in control, which for her is a potent aphrodisiac.

Virgos are born August 22 through September 23

• Virgo Man – The Virgo man is a perfectionist and will value a woman that he views as wholesome.  The good girl type is going to be the biggest turn on for this man.

• Virgo Woman – This woman values tradition, flowers, candy, doors being open for her.  But she is also irresistibly drawn to the “Bad Boy”.  If you can give her a bit of both you’ll find her willing to serve your every desire.

Libras are born September 24 through October 23

• Libra Man – If you can create beauty, order, and are a free thinker, then you’ll do great with this man.  He needs to feel you are an equal, as neither passivity or aggression is going to turn him on.  Also, leave the drama for your girlfriends, a Libra Man can’t stand drama of any level.

• Libra Woman – This woman is very cerebral.  Your best bet with her is to admire what’s on the inside and be prepared with intelligent conversation and verbal foreplay.  Bring her a movie or something that is align with her passions to will heat things up much more than flowers and candy ever will with her.

Scorpios are born October 24 through November 22

• Scorpio Man – This is an intense, steamy man.  Ironically enough, don’t try to match his mysterious persona.  He is more turned on by someone that is fun, positive, and enthusiastically open to all forms of eroticism.

• Scorpio Woman – Scorpion women are passionate, giving and loyal, but very hard to read.  If they feel like you are coming on too strong, they will back way off.  So, keep a light, yet steady pursuit to win this sensual lady over.

Sagittarius’ are born November 23 through December 22

• Sagittarius Man – This man is a big thinker and takes big actions.  Keeping a sense of self confidence and sense of adventure.  An open willingness to go into uncharted territories is a big turn on that you could offer this man.

• Sagittarius Woman – This women adores luxury and will revel in feeling awed and adored.  Allow her to see how much you enjoy being in her company.  Treat her like the heroine in a fantastic fairy tale and she’ll be swooning with desire.

Capricorns are born on December 23 through January 20

• Capricorn Man – This man can seem aloof, but don’t pursue after him.  He revels in old fashioned tradition and is drawn toward shy women.  Think of Adrian in Rocky, she would be the perfect choice to unknowingly woo a Capricorn man.  For a fling though, a quiet, yet sensual woman is going to catch his interest.  For this, think along the lines of the sexy secretary type.

• Capricorn Woman – This woman is the most conservative of the sexual nature.  Don’t pursue seduction unless you are in it for the long haul.  Contrary to their low risk taking style, they prefer men that are creative, dramatic and a bit on the dangerous side.  Show her your strength and imagination and you’ll fascinate her.

Aquarius are born on January 21 to February 19

• Aquarius Man – This man can seem almost utterly removed, but don’t let him fool you.  He is extremely self aware.  To hook this man’s attention, give him yours.  Listen to him, adore him, praise him, but stay ahead of the pack.  He perfers a woman that is considered a conquest.  Be open to all sorts of sexual adventures as his tastes are all over the board.

• Aquarius Woman – Take charge, yet keep a sense of humor with this lady.  She’s quirky and can seem a bit on the flaky side, but there is a deeper wisdom to her.  She likes a wild man, a bit of a bad boy that will take charge, yet treat her with the utmost patience and respect.

Pisces are born February 20 through March 20

• Pisces Man – This man is self made and is turned on by a woman that has experience and in control.  Be assertive with him and don’t come on like an innocent school girl type or you won’t get the time of day from him.

• Pisces Woman – This dreamy woman prefers an equally or even more sensitive man.  Don’t be afraid to become comfortable with your feminine nature with her.  Be prepared to please and appease her in order to win her adoration, she needs to feel earnestly pursued.  This lady wants to be swept off her feet.  Instead of trying to induce lust with her, show her the lust you have  for her to truly turn her on.

Now that you have an idea of what may help turn your man or woman on, give it a try and watch how the passion ignites!