BDSM is highly erotic and the sky is the limit in how you “do it”.  Typically one person will agree to submit to the other, this is known as a power exchange.  This could be as simple as one person agreeing to be blindfolded and sensually teased.  The other person, which is the dominant is the person that agrees to give the teasing.  It doesn’t always have to be sexual, but it’s usually always very sensual.

Many people think BDSM is all about pain.  Not true.  In reality, it’s more about pleasure and an intimate play time based on considerable communication between partners in regard to what is on or off limits.  It’s about exploring in a way that can create deeply intimate ties.  These ties and excitement will go beyond anything that could ever be experienced with the same old three position “vanilla” sex that many partners get stuck into.

For example, someone may agree to be tied up and spanked, but only lightly and with no pain involved. Another person may want to be spanked until they are red and pushed to their own limit of what they feel they can take from their partner. A word, known as a safe word is typically agreed upon in advance, for example “yellow” for slow down or lighten up on whatever event is occuring and “red” means stop immediately and spend a moment discussing this or moving on to another activity.

So, how do you know where to start?  We found this extremely comprehensive BDSM list at www.thebrc.net site that is an excellent tool to open communication between partners and to begin exploring deeper forms of sensual play and eroticism.

We suggest you each take time to fill this form out and share and discuss it with your partner.  Pick out some great new Bondage and Fetish Gear items and then, Let the Games Begin!  Don’t forget all the fun accessories and BDSM wear available at HappyHer.com!

The offices and homes of those of us involved with HappyHer.com will have candles lit for her today.  Join us in a moment of silence!

Bettie Page is iconic.  She was fearless in portaying herself as a real woman.  “I was just myself. I didn’t know any other way to be, or any other way to live”, she said.” Whether looking elegant in long satin gloves, or enjoying full bondage, or crusading for Billy Graham, she lived her life according to her terms.

Let’s not be sad though, 85 years is a ripe old age after all.  Let’s celebrate Bettie Page’s life.  Let’s hold hands and have a moment of silence.  Then, let’s make it a point to be just a little more open about ourselves today.  Revel in your sexuality.  Be authentic!  Get some new bondage toys or a retro lingerie look and bring some of Bettie’s spirit into your life.

Bettie Page, Thank you for who you were and what you did.

What more people want to know is how to do it, how do you introduce it to your partner, and are you a total freak for being curious and aroused by this? We promise to get to all of your questions, in this article and articles to follow. Let’s start with the very basics.

1. Bondage, obviously, is being tied up, or cuffed into hand and/or leg cuffs. Bondage can be simple, like silk straps loosely tying just your hands, or it can mean full bondage gear where you are completely bound and can’t move. The Beginner’s Bondage Kit, Beginner’s Silk Rope Bondage Kit, or the Chains of Love Bondage Kit are excellent beginner sets to start your explorations with. It’s an absolute thrill to either be tied up and “forced” to submit to what your partner has in mind for you, or to tie your partner and see them helpless and left vulnerable to your teasing and sex play. Some good tips are to make sure you don’t cut off circulation, and don’t ever leave a bound person alone. When someone is bound, it’s up to your imagination on what to do from that point. You can tickle them with feathers, whip them, lightly or not so lightly, whatever you have discussed in advance are okay things to try, let your imagination run wild and have a blast!

3. Discipline is the use of rules and punishment and rewards. It can be very fun and simple such as making your partner complete a task, maybe to put on a certain outfit when they get home from work. If they do that without being reminded, then they get a reward (Use your imagination!), if they don’t do as you asked, then they get punished, maybe an over-the-knee spanking? Again, use your imagination and create your own rules, punishment, and rewards. Make sure it’s all communicated and agreed upon ahead of time.

4. Domination is being in control, in this sense; it would be the person that is control of the other partner(s) involved, or over the “scene”. A scene is what BDSM sex play time is often called. Some partner(s) will know right off the bat who should be Dominant, and who should be submissive, and some partners will like to take turns. There are no rules, so make up your own with what you feel most turned on by. A dominant has the responsibility of taking care of their submissive(s) by making sure of their safety and not pushing their limits more than they have agreed to do, and absolutely listen to the safe word. If your submissive uses it, you must stop what you are doing immediately and spend some time talking. Much trust is given to someone in control, so make sure you are respectful of that trust. It’s up to you and your partner(s) whether you are a nice, loving dominant person, or if you get very strict and even humiliating, make sure and communicate this topic thoroughly before you begin. Whatever you decide, keep your sense of humor; remember, it’s “sex play”, not “sex work”.

5. A submissive is the partner(s) that submits to the dominant. How submissive you are willing to be, and for how long you want to be submissive is up to you and your dominant to discuss. You could be submissive by doing all sorts of different things, even cleaning the house, or being used for a footstool. Explore all the ways you might submit to your dominant and have your limits clearly set ahead of time. Submitting to your partner(s) is a gift to them, and should be pleasurable and a gift in kind to you as well.

6. Sadism refers to gaining pleasure or getting excited by causing pain or humiliation to another person. A sadist might enjoy giving light pain, such as spanking or applying nipple clamps on another person, to more extreme pain such as whipping. The main thing to remember is to stay in control and to respect the person’s limits of how much they have agreed to endure.

7. Masochists enjoy receiving pain. Not the every day painful events such as stubbing your toe, or paper cuts. We are talking about pain that comes about from agreed upon activities, such as spanking, clamps, or other pain play. It might be light pain or heavy and is up to the person to decide how much pain is pleasurable for them and how much they are willing to take.

If you want to experiment with S & M, there are no rules other than to stay Safe, Sane, and Consensual. You might want to start with light whipping, with a whip such as a Tickle Whip which allows light whipping and tickling. Have fun and see how much you can give and take with your partner. You might want to try nipple clamps or a beaded cock ring with ball harness.

We will talk more about specific techniques, tips, and tricks with BDSM scene play. In the meantime, you can pick out some great new items to try out at the HappyHer.com Bondage and Fetish Gear collections.  Make sure and sign up so you don’t miss a thing! If you have suggestions or advice for newbies, please share your stories with us!