One of the most common complaints we hear is that one part of a couple isn’t satisfied with the amount of sex they get to have with their mate.  So, we thought we would list out some of the most important things you can do to have and maintain a happy sex life with your partner.

How to Have a Happy Sex Life

Sex needs to be kept a priority. Many times life gets in the way.  We have jobs, kids, a mortgage, and other events that pull our attention away from creating a wonderful sex life for ourselves and our partner.  Some people shy away from scheduling sex, saying it’s not sexy if it’s not spontaneous.  But scheduled sex can be very exciting.  You have a chance to plan and prepare, you can spend time before hand leaving each other suggestive messages about what they might be in store for during your sex date.

Keep sex exciting. Even if you are very conservative and not into “kink”, you can still find lots of things to do to keep sex from getting boring.  Try stretching your limits a bit and explore new ideas.  Take turns finding new things to try with each other and new ways to turn each other on.  Read a book, watch a movie, email us, there are tons of ideas out there.

RELAX! It’s life, we all live it, and we aren’t going to get out of it alive.  We all have our own issues, work problems, family issues, money issues, it seems like every day has some new challenge.  Stress, anxiety and fear are some of the biggest libido killers.  Nip them in the bud, even if you need professional help in order to get these three things under control.  It’s worth it to know how to live life in a relaxed and joyful manner, and THAT’S sexy!

Come to terms with your body. Many of us get to the point where we are embarassed for our lover to see our body.  We insist that the lights be kept off and do everything we can to keep them from seeing how flawed we are.  The sad part of that is it’s all bullshit.  Turn on the lights and if your lover has an issue, it’s THEIR issue, not yours.  In the meantime, you can do what you can to get and stay in shape for yourself to feel better about you, but don’t allow your sex life to suffer just because you are too critical of yourself.

Take care of issues. We ALL have issues, and unfortunately many issues seem to effect our sex life.  Whether it’s past
sexual abuse, low self esteem, or issues with our lovers, we need to work those issues out.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Many people are hesitant to get counseling because they feel it’s shameful or too expensive.  But look around your area or online, many therapists will work with you at an affordable rate.  You can also look into support groups for victims of abuse.  Those are free and have lots of people ready to help support and encourage you to feel better.

Granted, if you and your lover are having issues with each other, then both of you have to be willing to work through
them.  The secret here is many times a lover doesn’t understand how issues outside the bedroom can effect issues inside the bedroom.  But they do, and they need to be worked through.  Learning how to negotiate with your partner will help SO much with this.  Notice I said negotiate and not compromise.  Never compromise.  You’ll both lose.  Negotiate until you are both happy with the negotiations.  The Golden Key to Unlocking Your Soulmate Relationship works wonders for couples looking to work through issues and get back to good loving.

See a doctor. Get a checkup if you feel your sex drive is low and there is no other explanation.  Sometimes, especially
as we age, our hormones need some help.  You won’t know if you don’t talk to your doctor.  Be careful of medications
that will lower your sex drive as well and ask your doctor what you can do to help alleviate that symptom so that you
can maintain a happy sex life.

Keep yourself aroused and in the mood. Do whatever does it for you, as long as it’s in line with what’s acceptable within your relationship. It’s truly not up to your partner to do all the work to make sure YOU are turned on, you gotta do some of that for yourself.

Turn yourself on.  Some people get turned on by wearing sexy lingerie, other’s like sexy movies, and books.  Porn is a very popular way, but sometimes it’s an issue.  Discuss that with your partner first, but at least books or magazines should be acceptable.  There are all sorts of turn ons from music, to dancing, to even gardening, or working out.  Find out what your turn ons are and pursue them avidly.

Keep the mood set. A clean, inviting home and bedroom helps create a welcoming environment for sex.  Seductive
smells like vanilla, sandalwood, pumpkin pie spice are all aromas that invite sensuality.  Keep your bedroom free of
clutter, family pictures (Come on, how sexy do you feel when little Junior’s face is smiling out of that frame?), old bed
clothes are so not sexy.  Make it a point to keep your area prepared for lovin’.

I hope these tips have helped to get your creative juices flowing.  With a little time, attention and effort, there is no reason why the two of you can’t maintain a happy sex life for years to come.  If worse comes to worse, make sure and do it sometimes too even when you aren’t in the mood.  Your partner deserves the health benefits and you never know,
sometimes you’ll have incredible sex after you’ve decided to do it regardless of whether you feel like it or not.

That is where specific keys come into play. If you use the keys, it will unlock the full potential of your relationship. We’ve all heard how “Communication is key”. Other people say that “Having similar belief systems is key”. While those topics might hold merit, it’s simply not the truth of what will make your relationship grow and deepen into the type of happy life together that you could fully reach.

The Golden Key to Unlocking Your Soulmate Relationship is the only program that addresses the absolutely most important keys that make a relationship worth holding onto for your whole life. I want to share one of those keys with you now.  You can start to apply this key to your relationship immediately, and see how effective it is.

The Validation Key

The most simple definition of validation is that it is to confirm what your are observing, hearing, or witnessing about another person. As simple as it sounds, it’s one of the most important basic emotional needs.

Everyone Needs to Feel Validated

To feel validated helps us to feel that we matter, that we will be thought of. When this need is not met early in life, there is a huge risk of personality, mental, and emotional disorders, such as Bi-Polar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, and other stress related illnesses and neurosis. As adults we also suffer severe damage when we are in an invalidating environment.

It only makes sense that if you want a thriving relationship, that you do everything possible to provide an environment that is validating for yourself and your partner. In fact, many times, part of our original attraction to each other was that validated feeling we got when we were around each other.

We couldn’t keep our eyes, hands, or minds away from each other. We accepted and acknowledged each other and the reciprocal validation lead us to fall deeper and deeper in love. As time goes on, those validating moments get lost in the shuffle of life and of beginning to take each other for granted, that’s typically when the “honeymoon is over”.

Learning to Validate Yourself and Others is a Critical Key to Unlocking True Relationship Success

Consider this:  Painful feelings that are expressed, acknowledged and validated by a trusted listener will diminish. Painful feelings that are ignored will gain strength.

If you really want to lower the amount of conflict and issues with your partner, then validating their feelings is the FIRST step. Often it’s the last step as well which can be a blessed event in and of itself. But what usually happens is one person voices a concern or feeling, they are treated with invalidating actions or responses, so they escalate their emotions in order to try to have them paid attention to. Or, the person that feels invalidated will shut down and I’m sure you can see how either of these responses to feeling invalidated are not going to help your relationship remain as happy as it could be.

Examples of Invalidating Actions:

• Your partner shares their feelings and you say “You shouldn’t feel that way”, Or “What about how I’m feeling?”, or “Don’t be stupid”. Or worse yet, “You just want to bitch”.

• Your partner is trying to talk to you, but you only half listen while you continue to play video games, watch t.v., type on your computer, text, or some other form of rudeness. Yes, that is rude. Look at someone when they are talking to you, when your life is over you’ll wish you’d spent more time paying attention to your loved ones than your material possessions, so give them your time willingly.

• You immediately say “I don’t have time for this”, “Don’t even go there”, or “I don’t want to talk about it”. If you are truly that crunched for time, or if the topic is too sensitive to talk about at that moment then let your partner know FIRST that you realize that what they have to say is important. Then let them know this moment is not good for you and suggest a time when you will be better able to communicate with them. It might look like this, “Honey, I see this is something we need to talk about. I am really tied up right now, but want to give you my full attention. Can we talk in about fifteen minutes?”

• You are in the middle of a conversation or argument and you’ve had enough.  So, you get up and leave the room without saying a word to your partner.  This will create feelings of abandonment in your partner that won’t be easy to shake and it will damage the trust your partner has in you that they are emotionally safe with you.

Now that you know what not to do, let’s talk about working on validating each other instead. Your communication levels will become more open, loving and trusting. Walls of resentment, abandonment issues and trust issues will melt away. Caustic elevations of arguing, complaining, bickering and nagging will also become a thing of the past.

Validating is Simple, Use this Three Step Method:

Okay, before I get into the three step method, I have to tell you that it IS a simple process. It’s very difficult to excel in. Practice makes progress though and this is a practice you definitely want to become very serious about if you hope to create the best possible relationship.

The Three Step Method:

• Validating another person means you listen to them. Put down the cell phone, stop texting, look AT your partner, and listen to them.

• The second step is to to accept what they are saying and back that up with a supporting comment or action (Such as a hug or assuring touch). Now, this is important. You do not have to agree with what was said. You might think your partner is irrational, off their rocker, and completely wrong. It is invalidating and just plain offensive to point that out and won’t help the situation, so just don’t go there.

• So, you accept what they said. At this point, you may ask for clarification to make sure you understand them completely. Then repeat these three steps until your partner feels as if they have been completely able to share with you.

While you are working these steps, refrain from trying to jump in and fix things. Keep your judgments and critical thoughts to yourself. A person’s feelings are never wrong. Write that down.

A side note about feelings:  You don’t choose your feelings, you choose what you want to do about them.  Feelings are the weather inside our bodies. Just as we don’t always like a rainy day, we don’t always like our own feelings. Being able to voice our feelings and feel accepted and acknowledged even when those feelings aren’t the most pleasant is very important to sustaining the type of relationship where love and intimacy will continue to stay vital and strong.

Don’t take my word for all of this though. Try it out yourself and watch how your partner blooms with the feelings of love and security they’ll feel when they are truly validated as a worthy person in your life.

This key is just a small example of the other 8 keys towards The Golden Key to Unlock Your Soulmate Relationship. The other keys are filled with questions, homework, one on one coaching, couple’s coaching, and so much more.

If you feel your relationship is worth investing in, then this is definitely the program you want to become involved in. More information about this program including testimonials from other couples can be found HERE.

I’m sorry, but those reasons are based in ignorance.  It’s like taste testing food.  How do you really know if you’ll like it, or how well they’ll work if you won’t even try them?

Sex toys aren’t meant to replace a partner.  You can never replace human touch and intimacy.  Never, ever, ever, ever.  Well, they do help for masturbating, but that’s a different story.  Using sex toys with your partner is meant to enhance and increase pleasure, offer more satisfying orgasms, and deepen physical and emotional intimacy.  How can that be wrong or bad?

You also can’t become addicted to sex toys.  You may like them so much that you feel addicted to them, but you’ll still find yourself having lots of sex without the toys.  In fact, you’ll probably more sex as there is great pleasure in variety.   Sex toys definitely help give you a broader range of variety to have adventures with.

The best sex toys for couples are created through years of testing.  I would love to be on that testing panel.  I think in a way my husband and I are as we like to check out a lot of different toys since I work with them all day anyway.  I can’t tell you how much they’ve added to our sex life.  Even the most simple toys can pack some great pleasure.  Some don’t work at all for us, and that’s okay too.  The ones that work for us, well, it’s worth the “duds’ for sure.  The duds still offer us something to laugh about and deepen our intimacy as we further learn what works and what doesn’t for each of us.

My reccomendation is to get some sex toys and try them out.  What have you got to lose?  Perhaps a few dollars, but most toys can be purchased for pennies on the dollar and the experience itself can be priceless.  After you’ve actually tried them once or twice, then you can make intelligent choices and you might just find your sex life going to new levels of excitement!

The Top Three Sex Toys for Couples:

Here is our pick of “starter” toys that each couple should take the time to try at least once.

• A Cockring.  A cockring is created to give a man a stronger erection with some major lasting power.  His orgasm will be significantly more intense.  Overall, this is a win-win situation for both people.  Get a cockring that is adjustable, or super stretchy to start with and see for yourself how amazing it can be.  If you like it, try a cockring that has a vibrator attached to it too for some extra delights for both of you.  You can learn how to use a Cockring HERE.

• A Bullet or Egg Vibrator.  This are small powerhouses of vibration.  They can be used to massage both of you and are exquisite to adding new levels of sensation to oral sex on either one of you.  They can be inserted vaginally (We don’t recommend anal insertion of these vibes), you can then continue with intercourse with the bullet inserted as well and you’d be amazed at how much you both may enjoy this.  You can also use it for clitoral stimulation, or perineum stimulation during intercourse as well.

• A Dildo Vibrator.  Start with a small one that won’t seem intimidating. It’s great for foreplay on each other, or to use to help finish your partner off with if you don’t last as long.  Some women can’t orgasm without a vibrator.  That’s just how some women are physically wired and is exactly why vibrators were invented in the first place.  Try it and you’ll see what satisfaction and pleasure can be accomplished.

• Don’t forget the lube!  Most sex toys work best when you use some lube with them.  Even if you use no other sex toy, lube can come in handy time and time again.

So, let’s get honest.  We use tools for everything in life.  We use them to help make our tasks easier and more pleasant to accomplish.  Well, sex toys are tools, and they are toys.  They are tools because they will do things for you that you can’t do by yourself.  Kind of like you wouldn’t change a tire with your bare hands.  They are toys because they are FUN.  Doesn’t your relationship deserve at least a chance to try them?

Now, you might wonder why we would post a health article at an intimacy site.  We feel it’s an important part of relationships to address though as living together isn’t always sexy.  But keeping the intimacy strong throughout the more challenging times is going to help keep the passion’s flame burning bright between the two of you.  That is, after all, what HappyHer.com is all about.

First Things First

Everyone has their own needs when they don’t feel well.  Find out what your partner needs when they are sick and do your best to honor that.  It doesn’t matter if you understand or agree, what matters is what they feel they need.

Some people want to be left completely alone.  They can’t stand to be bothered or talked to.  If your partner is like this, then at least bring them cold drinks, a damp cloth for their forehead,and let them know to please let you know anything they need.  Then, other than visually checking on them every so often, Leave them alone!

Other people need tender loving care.  Make sure you are available for them, ask if a massage or warm bath would help them, wipe their hands and faces with a tepid damp cloth, and be their physically for them.  Now, these people also have to have alone time to heal, but checking in visually and asking them if they would like anything will really help them.  Offer specific ideas like hot tea with honey, chipped ice, toast, or chicken soup and allow them to feel as if you are actively participating in their recovery.

This is really the most important part of nurturing and truly caring for a sick partner.  If your partner needs left alone, it will be irritating for them to have you hovering over them.  If your partner needs tender loving care, then they might feel abandoned and resentful if you aren’t there for them.  So, make sure you understand what is going to help you help them, and then do it to the best of your ability.

Things to Have on Hand for a Sick Spouse:

Pick through these items to know what your spouse would prefer to have on hand in case they fall ill:

• Ginger Ale (Make sure it has real ginger in it, it calms the stomach)
• Any over the counter meds that will help relieve their symptoms
• Chipped Ice
• Chicken Soup (home-made if possible, if not, then cans will work)
• Jello
• Graham Crackers
• Toast
• Bananas
• Soda Crackers
• Tea with Honey
• Heating Pad or Ice Pack
• Gatorade (This may be a little harsh, but will help rehydrate them if they can handle it)

Other Idea That May Help a Sick Spouse

• Do they need to see the doctor?  You make the appointment and drive them there and back.  Pick up any prescriptions for them and any other items they may need while they rest as much as possible.

• Keep the house quiet.  Your partner needs rest and extra calm.  If you have young kids see if someone can watch them away from the house, or keep them active with some quiet time activities the best you can.  If you have teens, make sure they keep the volume down.

• Sleep in a different room for a couple of nights.  It will give you both a better night’s sleep, especially if the sick partner needs some extra room to toss and turn more than normal.

• Pick up the slack.  When your partner starts to feel better, the last thing they need is stacks of left over chores or other work to contend with.  They still need time to regain their equilibrium and ease back into a healthy strength and energy level.  Do what you can to take care of items they would normally do.

• Give them the care they need until THEY feel better.  Most people do great at care-taking for the first day or so, but your partner may need a week or even longer.  Even when they start to get up and around a bit, continue the extra care taking until you are quite sure they are feeling absolutely better.

• Screen phone calls for them and keep house guests away.  This is their time to heal and having company or a lot of social activity going on is just inappropriate.

• If you had plans and were expecting them to watch the kids, cancel your plans and stay home, or get a sitter.  Don’t leave a sick spouse with responsibilities when it’s apparent that they aren’t up for it.

If You are Both Sick

If you are both sick, then you have to work as a team.  If one person gets up to get a drink, or anything else for that matter, ask your spouse if they need anything.  Check in on each other the best you can.  If you are the one that likes to be left alone, still try to give your partner some tender loving care.  If you are the one that needs tender loving care, ask your partner to indulge you for what they can, but be patient with them since they need to feel their needs are being met as well.

Take Care of YOU

When taking care of a sick spouse, take extra good care of yourself to keep from getting sick along with them.  Wash your hands often.  Use hand sanitizer often too.  Keep their area cleaned up and use some Lysol Spray all around the house.  Get your rest and give yourself a special treat for being such a great partner!

Print this Guide to Taking Care of a Sick Spouse and use it to make a plan to have on hand.  Hopefully, you’ll rarely have to worry about taking care of a sick spouse, but people do get sick and it sure will help a lot if you have a plan.  Your spouse will recover much faster when they are taken better care of and the intimacy level of your partnership will deepen as you are fully sharing in each others lives, for better, or for worse.

Marriage. living together,  having a significant other, seeing each other and no one else, those are all forms of monogamy.  When a person falls deeply in love, or at least deeply into infatuation, monogamy is a no brainer.  You simply can’t imagine sharing that energy with another person.  But it isn’t always like that, sometimes monogamy is a choice that’s made despite some major temptations or personal issues such as intimacy issues or low self esteem.  That’s where monogamy becomes a challenge and starts to lose the shine, and sometimes turn into something so negative, that people don’t even want to use that word anymore.

Even still, there are many benefits to monogamy and it’s still a highly pursued choice made by most of the population today.  Marriage rates are up and divorce rates are down, so even though monogamy seems to be loaded with negativity, love, romance, passion, marriage, and relationships seem to be on the upswing.  The Bridal Industry is booming and the trend is still to find “The One” whether you are a man or a woman.  Research has shown that monogamy is a mainstay and even though we love to hate it, we’ll continue

How Monogamy Leads to the Best Sex:

I’m sure you’ve all heard that remaining in a monogamous relationship will increase your health and life span, enable you to have a more stable financial future, provide a more stable family life, blah, blah, blah…  But have you stopped to consider the opportunities of increasing your passion in a monogamous relationship?

• Monogamous couples have more sex.
• You learn each others bodies just as well or even better than you know your own.
• Trust grows and inhibitions relax.
• You learn exactly how to turn each other on.
• You are more invested in the relationship, so you try harder.  When you try harder, you are assured of better results.
• Performance isn’t something to stress about because you know if you make a mistake, you’ll get another opportunity.
• You are more apt to try new things and find new ways to stimulate each other, bringing greater intimacy.
• You learn more about yourself with your monogamous lover than you’ll ever learn with anyone else in your life.
• Sex becomes a soul deep activity, an expression of your true inner self, not just a bang.  Although the opportunity for a quick fuck is still there too.  So, you get the best of both worlds.

I know many of you at this point, especially if you are in a long term monogamous relationship may be questioning these benefits.  Maybe you feel left to wonder why you aren’t experiencing them in your own relationship as much as you’d hoped.  Perhaps there are issues that have come between you and your partner’s ability to create the passionate life together as you had originally envisioned or experienced during those first throes of new love.

Issues such as weight gain, infidelity, addiction, children (Children are a blessing, but not for your sex life!), health issues, or resentment issues can throw a wrench in even the most loving of relationships.  In fact life seems designed to keep your focus off each other and on immediate day to day events such as careers, extended family, hobbies, etc.

Regardless of the issues you face though, I believe that your relationship can become everything you ever dreamed it could be – and more.  In fact I’ve seen it happen time and again, even from relationships that were on the brink of total failure.  These couples went from zero to total heros, and it’s totally possible that your relationship can do the same.

HappyHer.com is diligently working to help monogamous couples and singles looking for monogamous relationships every single day.  We are looking to provide more help in way of pursuing a passion filled life and we would like your assistance.

We have created a quick nine question survey.  It’s free to take and your information is kept strictly confidential.  You won’t be signed up for any junk email, it’s just a quick survey to gain insight into your opinions on monogamy and the skills you feel are required.  This will be a great help to us in the future for designing some specific ways to help every monogamous couple live a life of passionate pursuit.  Take the survey HERE.

Start Small

Pulling out Big Daddy Dong and going for it as if it’s a glass of ice water in the middle of Death Valley is probably going to be extremely intimidating for you and your partner for your “first time” with a sex toy.  Start with something small and on the more conservative side.  A bullet vibe is usually a great first choice, or a cockring for the men.  Don’t worry about going all the way with it the first time you get it out.  Just play around a bit with it, put it aside and pick it up some other time and slowly build with how adventurous you want to become with it.

Use the Surprise Element

“Guess what I brought home to play with Honey?” is a fun surprise.  Use the sex toy on them first.  A vibe can be used on a man partner without penetration and feels incredible if you combine it with oral or manual stimulation.  Rub it right underneath their testicles or lightly play with it all over them.  When they see how good it feels, they may want to return the favor.

Give it to Them to Use On You

Hand your sex toy to your partner and let them know you are really curious about what it’s like.  Let them know that you’ve heard so much about how sex toys can really help couple’s add some variety and spice to their sex life, that you just want to check it out.  Then let them figure out how to use it on you.  You can let them know what feels good and what doesn’t, or make suggestions like “Try this, or try it that way”.

Remember, you don’t control what your body likes or doesn’t like, your body has it’s own idea.  It’s honest and open to let your partner know what your body is feeling.  There is no room for embarrassment if you are approaching it in a more scientific way.  For example, your foot hurts if it gets stepped on and it feels good if someone rubs your shoulders.  Are you in charge of that?  Of course not.  You are not in charge of your bodies sexual responses either.  You are only in charge of how open and honest you are going to be about what your body responds to and doesn’t respond to.  Work at deepening the openess and honesty in your relationship by allowing your partner to know how your body feels during sex toy play, or any other physical activities for that matter.

Be Playful!

Have some fun, using a sex toy isn’t brain surgery.  Have a sense of humor and don’t be afraid to laugh or tease with it.
Bring out your sex toy to your partner and say “Honey, if this sex toy was you, here is what I’d want you to do to me.” Then show them what you like.  “I would want you to touch me here, like this”, and “I would want you to do this to me.”, while physically showing them.  For one part of that, your partner is going to get way turned on by the visual, for the second part, you are making it about them which will help take the focus off your feelings of embarrassment.

So, to sum it all up, be creative, start small, and keep your sense of humor.  Sex toys are fun, it’s why they are called toys.  You don’t have to start using them every time you have sex.  They are meant to enhance sex, not replace what you are all ready doing.  So, relax and have some fun.  You may find that they open the door to whole new levels of intimacy and sexual satisfaction for both you and your partner.

What is Aftercare?

Aftercare is any activity that follows up intimate contact with your partner that helps them feel more comfortable and assured after sex.

Aftercare Activities:

• Cuddling after sex.
• Assurance to your partner of how beautiful they are and how satisfied with them you are.
• Bringing your partner refreshments, a drink of water or tea, or a light snack.
• Wiping your partner off with a cool or warm cloth.
• Massage.
• Make sure their environment is comfortable.  Do they need extra blankets, the lights lowered, or background noises dimmed?
• Attending to any injuries that may have occurred during rougher sex play.
• Asking your partner if they are satisfied and if there is anything else you can do for them.

Why Aftercare?

• Aftercare increases your connection to your partner.
• Your partner will feel cared for.
• Aftercare encourages additional desires for intimacy.
• Aftercare increases trust levels and feeling open with each other.
• It’s the most loving thing you can do.
• It’s really a matter of good sexual manners.

Aftercare Etiquette that Will Increase Your Status as a Great Lover:

• Aftercare is handled by both partners, but typically, whoever was the most dominant should take responsibility for attending to their partner.  As most couples will take turns being dominant or submissive with each other, then aftercare follows suit to whoever pursued having sex.

• If your partner is in the dominant position, give them assurance about how pleasurable your experience was with them.

• Communicate with your partner about what they want or need after sex.  Some people fall asleep shortly after great sex, so they may not want too much aftercare, where others may feel energized and need a bit of extra time of talking, cuddling, and connection with you.  If you don’t spend the time to communicate about this, you may not realize what they want or need.

• Always pursue at least a minimal amount of aftercare no matter how long you’ve been with your partner.  Nothing is worse or leaves you feeling taken for granted than “Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam” and then your off on your own.

• It’s very important to never bring up complaints or issues during aftercare.  Save those sort of topics for outside the bedroom and never, ever right after sex.  Sex usually brings up feelings of vulnerability and sometimes insecurity.  This is the time to share your love, not bring up issues of any kind.

Taking this time to give your partner aftercare services of any kind is really the least you can do for someone that is opening up and sharing their most intimate nature with you.  So, make sure you are generous with the time and effort you put in to what happens after sex. This will increase your status as a great lover and keep your partner coming back for more!

In turn, the other person either starts complaining about the lack of sex, or begins to create distance themselves in response. Pretty soon there is a wide chasm between you, filled probably with misunderstandings, resentments, and unfulfilled needs coming from both parties.  This is where your relationship can become vulnerable to affairs, or become damaged to the point that you aren’t sure if you can continue on together.

To keep that from happening in your relationship, or to recover if this is currently happening in your relationship, the first thing you need to do is quit blaming the other person. Sure, maybe they are the ones distancing themselves from you and avoiding sex. But are you absolutely sure it’s not because of other unaddressed issues between the two of you?

Take this self-inventory and be brutally honest with yourself. If you feel you are falling short in any of these areas, then you might want to get to work on improving these points. If you feel you are doing everything perfectly, then skip this part and tell your partner what a selfish jerk they are, but chances are, you have your own part to play in this whether you want to admit it or not.

Self Inventory

• Do you take time to connect with your partner every day?

• Do you ask them how they are and really listen to them every day?

• Do you look to see how you can be of help in your partners life or your shared domestic life, if not every day, then at least almost every day?

• Do you do your fair share of domestic duties? If you both work equal hours outside the house, then you need to pitch in equal hours with the house and children too.

• If your partner shares your feelings with you, do you respect them and value what they have to say?  Remember respecting them is not the same as agreeing with them.  Or, do you put them down, dismiss them, argue with them, and/or criticize them?

• Do you pursue some sort of affection every day? (Not just a swat at their ass when they walk by you either, some real affection like a ten second hug or passionate kiss….)

• Are you putting your partner/spouse first and most important in your life? Your partner should come before the children, before other family members, and before anyone else in the rest of the world.  Anything else is not honoring them as your true life partner, they quite simply must come first.

• Do you include them in on decisions and keep them up to date with what is going on in your life?

• Do you freely, and KINDLY share your feelings with them?

• Do you approach issues without finger pointing blaming, accusing, or yelling?

• Are you honestly doing your best to keep your partner swept off their feet with romantic gestures?

Those are some hard questions aren’t they? They are some of the most important points in keeping your love alive though. Make it a point to start to improve on those points and keep this self-inventory as a reminder to you about what you are supposed to do.

In the overall scheme of things, it’s the small daily reminders of love and romance that keep the passion alive. Sure, the grand extravagant statements are wonderful, but if you only dole those out a couple times a year, your partner is probably on a starvation love diet and craving for more.

It is the small daily loving gestures and honest efforts in being a helpful life partner that take careful practice and diligence. It can sometimes seem harder than it sounds even though this is about doing things for the person that is supposed to be the love of your life.

But, do your own part anyway and start doing it today! Chances are your relationship will make a huge turn for the better as your partner starts to feel that they are once again appreciated and desired by you.

We are currently asking everyone to complete this survey to help us get a grasp on the most common issues surrounding sex and today’s couples.  It only has four quick questions, and you don’t have to register for anything.

Using the results of the survey we are going to put together something very special for you to look forward to, so stay tuned!

Click here and take the survey now!

The Benefits of Using Sex Toys

Many women simply can’t orgasm without the additional r.p.m.s that a vibrator offers.  Even women that can reach orgasm, can reach deeper, more intense orgasms with the help of a vibrator.  This doesn’t mean that your partner is inadequate, it’s just how women are physically wired.

Many men can increase and prolong their erections and have deeper orgasms by using a cockring.  Again, that is not because women just don’t know how to do it right, it’s just how men are physically wired.

Sex toys also help add fun and adventure to the bedroom to help keep your sex life vibrant and exciting.  You get the opportunity to learn different ways of turning each other one too, which is a great benefit.

The Myths and Facts of Using Sex Toys

• Sex Toys Are Only for Masturbation. Sex toys can definitely enhance masturbation, much the same as it enhances couples sex.  But sex toys are made to be shared and enjoyed with each other.

• Once You Use Sex Toys There is No Turning Back.  While sex toys enhance your sex life, you don’t become addicted to them and you can still orgasm quite well without them.  In fact, sometimes using a sex toy will teach you things about each other that will enhance your love making when you aren’t using the sex toys too, thereby enhancing “non sex toy” sex.

• Using Sex Toys Means Your Partner is Inadequate.  Enhancing your sex life with sex toys is about celebrating your partner and each other.  It does not mean one or the other of you is inadequate, if anything they are even better lovers because they are open to experiment with new and pleasurable sensations.

• Only Whores, Perverts, and Freaks Use Sex Toys.  Of course they do, but there are many people that are very conservative that enjoy sex toys too.  There are many Christian Marriage Counselors that are currently suggesting that their clients experiment with sex toys.  That would lead me to believe there is nothing sinful or whorish, perverted, or freaky about them.  Doctors frequently advise use of sex toys as well.  In fact, the first dildo was created by a doctor in order to help women overcome feelings of stress and anxiety.

• You Don’t Need a Sex Toy if You are All Ready Having Good Sex. Good sex is awesome.  Repetition and having the same good sex over and over can become repetitive and boring as hell.  Why not go out on a limb and pursue Great Sex that stays varied and exciting?

If your partner is still hesitant, start with normal household items during sex.  An ice cube for example can be an incredible feeling sex toy.  You can use it to drip melted cold water on your partner, put it in your mouth during oral sex, or run along your partner’s sweaty body.  If they agree that it was nice to use an ice cube, that will open the doorway to trying some other types of sex toys.

Sex Toys for First Timers

When choosing a sex toy for the first time together, opt for traditional sex toys that aren’t too big or intimidating looking.  A small vibrator, or bullet vibrator can be a great first time vibe.  An easy to release cockring can also be a great first toy to try out.  Keep it very gentle and slow and talk to each other throughout, such as move it here, try it there, or if it’s too rough or too light.

You might go through half a dozen sex toys before you find ones that really work for you and your partner.  That’s okay. Keep a sense of humor and exploration about it.  There are many inexpensive sex toys that are perfect for trial and error, then when you find your favorites, you can invest in some of the higher quality versions.

Don’t be afraid to ask!  You can contact us at anytime for discreet answers to your questions.  We’ve worked with thousands of couples and can help point you in the right direction for first time sex toys.

The most important part of how to talk to your partner about using sex toys is to really listen to them.  Respecting their feelings and supporting their decision is much more important in the long run.  They may be more open to sex toys at another time, so keep an open mind and look for new opportunities to bring this topic up again.