Lissa Rankin, M.D. is a practicing gynecologist and she has written an article about vaginal rejuvenation surgery that I wanted to share with you all.  Hop on over to her blog and read Vaginal Rejuvenation Surgery: The Horror, The Horror now.  It’s a great read if you have a vagina or just really love them (Read, for both men and women).

When you are done reading that, come back to the HappyHer.com Blog and read about natural ways of toning and tightening that doesn’t rely on surgery.  Sexual Workout for Better Sex includes tips for the men and the ladies, and Kegel Exercises for Women will give you a great routine to get started with better vaginal health.

One of the most common complaints we hear is that one part of a couple isn’t satisfied with the amount of sex they get to have with their mate.  So, we thought we would list out some of the most important things you can do to have and maintain a happy sex life with your partner.

How to Have a Happy Sex Life

Sex needs to be kept a priority. Many times life gets in the way.  We have jobs, kids, a mortgage, and other events that pull our attention away from creating a wonderful sex life for ourselves and our partner.  Some people shy away from scheduling sex, saying it’s not sexy if it’s not spontaneous.  But scheduled sex can be very exciting.  You have a chance to plan and prepare, you can spend time before hand leaving each other suggestive messages about what they might be in store for during your sex date.

Keep sex exciting. Even if you are very conservative and not into “kink”, you can still find lots of things to do to keep sex from getting boring.  Try stretching your limits a bit and explore new ideas.  Take turns finding new things to try with each other and new ways to turn each other on.  Read a book, watch a movie, email us, there are tons of ideas out there.

RELAX! It’s life, we all live it, and we aren’t going to get out of it alive.  We all have our own issues, work problems, family issues, money issues, it seems like every day has some new challenge.  Stress, anxiety and fear are some of the biggest libido killers.  Nip them in the bud, even if you need professional help in order to get these three things under control.  It’s worth it to know how to live life in a relaxed and joyful manner, and THAT’S sexy!

Come to terms with your body. Many of us get to the point where we are embarassed for our lover to see our body.  We insist that the lights be kept off and do everything we can to keep them from seeing how flawed we are.  The sad part of that is it’s all bullshit.  Turn on the lights and if your lover has an issue, it’s THEIR issue, not yours.  In the meantime, you can do what you can to get and stay in shape for yourself to feel better about you, but don’t allow your sex life to suffer just because you are too critical of yourself.

Take care of issues. We ALL have issues, and unfortunately many issues seem to effect our sex life.  Whether it’s past
sexual abuse, low self esteem, or issues with our lovers, we need to work those issues out.  Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Many people are hesitant to get counseling because they feel it’s shameful or too expensive.  But look around your area or online, many therapists will work with you at an affordable rate.  You can also look into support groups for victims of abuse.  Those are free and have lots of people ready to help support and encourage you to feel better.

Granted, if you and your lover are having issues with each other, then both of you have to be willing to work through
them.  The secret here is many times a lover doesn’t understand how issues outside the bedroom can effect issues inside the bedroom.  But they do, and they need to be worked through.  Learning how to negotiate with your partner will help SO much with this.  Notice I said negotiate and not compromise.  Never compromise.  You’ll both lose.  Negotiate until you are both happy with the negotiations.  The Golden Key to Unlocking Your Soulmate Relationship works wonders for couples looking to work through issues and get back to good loving.

See a doctor. Get a checkup if you feel your sex drive is low and there is no other explanation.  Sometimes, especially
as we age, our hormones need some help.  You won’t know if you don’t talk to your doctor.  Be careful of medications
that will lower your sex drive as well and ask your doctor what you can do to help alleviate that symptom so that you
can maintain a happy sex life.

Keep yourself aroused and in the mood. Do whatever does it for you, as long as it’s in line with what’s acceptable within your relationship. It’s truly not up to your partner to do all the work to make sure YOU are turned on, you gotta do some of that for yourself.

Turn yourself on.  Some people get turned on by wearing sexy lingerie, other’s like sexy movies, and books.  Porn is a very popular way, but sometimes it’s an issue.  Discuss that with your partner first, but at least books or magazines should be acceptable.  There are all sorts of turn ons from music, to dancing, to even gardening, or working out.  Find out what your turn ons are and pursue them avidly.

Keep the mood set. A clean, inviting home and bedroom helps create a welcoming environment for sex.  Seductive
smells like vanilla, sandalwood, pumpkin pie spice are all aromas that invite sensuality.  Keep your bedroom free of
clutter, family pictures (Come on, how sexy do you feel when little Junior’s face is smiling out of that frame?), old bed
clothes are so not sexy.  Make it a point to keep your area prepared for lovin’.

I hope these tips have helped to get your creative juices flowing.  With a little time, attention and effort, there is no reason why the two of you can’t maintain a happy sex life for years to come.  If worse comes to worse, make sure and do it sometimes too even when you aren’t in the mood.  Your partner deserves the health benefits and you never know,
sometimes you’ll have incredible sex after you’ve decided to do it regardless of whether you feel like it or not.

Now for the occasional mild pat or slap on the ass, it’s typically something you just do without too much thought when you are in a long term relationship. You just can’t help yourself but to touch your partner in playful ways like that. For anything more intense than that, you need to first make sure your partner is in agreement.

If your partner agrees to being spanked, or spanking you, then the negotiations can begin. Is it to be done strictly in role play settings (Such as “naughty schoolgirl”), or can it be done anytime? Can it be done naked? With your bare hand only? Can you use other items such as whips, paddles, wooden spoons, etc?

Next, choose some safe words to use. “Yellow” for slow down/lighten up, and “Red” for stop are great words that can be used. Once this is finalized, let the play begin!

Use these tips for Erotic Spankings:

• “Warm Up” the area with soft spanks, rubbing, massaging.

• Start soft and build up to the point that your partner states is enough for them.

• Have a sense of humor, it’s called sex “play” for a reason.

• Totally respect your partners wishes in regard to how much to do, how much pressure to use and if they want just light love taps to a full blown whipping.

• Always, always, always, use good aftercare manners.

• Read Spanking Etiquette.

Aftercare for spanking depends on how much you spanked your partner. It could be a little massage and words of how sexy they are, to getting a cool towel to cool them off with. Your partner may be so turned on that aftercare will have to wait until after you’ve given them whatever release it is they feel they need. This is totally up to you and your partner to figure that part of it out.

Spanking is sexy fun and a huge turn on for many people. Some people find it repulsive and will not want to bother even experimenting. And of course, there are many in betweens.  If you do both decide it’s something you would like to discover together, then take your time and have fun. You will find this can be a very exciting new way to connect with each other.

Skin Play for Sensual Bliss will also give you some more advance tips on using ideas like spanking to spice up your sex life.

Sexual Workout for Women

The primary sexual exercise for women are Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises work out the muscles inside the vagina which will leave you feeling tighter and will become a more pleasurable fit for your partner. Believe me ladies, if you work out these muscles and use them during sex with your partner, he is going to go out of this world with pleasure!

The easiest way to learn to perform Kegel exercises is to stop and start urinating in mid stream. Once you get the hang of that, you can practice them anytime, anywhere. Start slow with squeezing those muscles to a count of four and then releasing for a count of four. Do ten sets of these two to three times a day and work up to about ten to fifteen seconds of holding action.

You may also want to look into getting Smart Balls or Ben Wa Balls. They will give you something to grip and hold onto. After just a short time of working out with Kegel exercises, you will notice a great improvement in sexual performance. Not only that, but you will help prevent urinary incontinence in your later years!

Sexual Workout for Men

Men, you are very lucky. There are exercises you can do that will give you stronger ejaculations, will control the direction of your erection, increase volume of semen, give you a healthier prostate, prevent urine leakage in your later years, and even more than that! But most important, nothing beats a good hard, strong penis to help with giving your lady the kind of sex that will keep her happy and begging for more. Is that enough to motivate you? I hope so, let’s get started!

Kegels for Men

Yes, men, you have muscles in there too, just like the ladies that need a good workout. The directions for this are exactly the same as for the ladies except for two big differences. One is, only do these three to four times a week and work your way up to more slowly. If you over-do it, you won’t be able to get an erection until you’ve rested up for a bit. Also, you don’t have the tools to use as the ladies do, but you don’t need them.

In a short time you’ll notice that you’ve increased the strength of these muscles. Show off that new found strength by doing your Kegels when you are inside your partner. You can tap just the right spots inside and can give each of you immense orgasms!

Penis Lifts

This exercise will increase the size of your penis by bulking it up and increasing the girth. It will also increase the strength and we all ready talked about how nice that will be for you and your partner! The added girth will also be greatly appreciated by your partner!

* Sit at the edge of your seat and make your penis fully erect.
* Hang a face cloth over the base of your penis and contract your penis muscles to make the erection stand all the way up.
* Hold this position for three seconds and then work up to five seconds. Do five reps for three sets and work up to ten reps for five sets two to three times a week.
* As you get stronger, you can wet the wash cloth to give it some weight, and then start to slowly move it up closer and closer to the head of your penis.

The Jelq Workout

If you master this one, your penis size will quite literally be in your own hands! This exercise should be done daily. Make sure to start slow and easy and gently, this is very important. Going to fast or too rough will do more damage than good, so be patient with yourself!

* Before you begin this exercise, and then afterward, you want to apply a hot compress on the genitals. You can use a hot towel for this, as hot as what is comfortable. This will warm the tissues up and is important to begin to increase the flow of blood to the penis.
* After your hot compress, you want to use some lube, don’t be shy with the lube, it’s an important part of this workout.
* Starting with a semi-erection and don’t do this exercise with an erect penis, take breaks if you have to.
* Encircle the base of your penis with one hand. Ensure that no blood escapes.
* While holding the base with one hand, use your other hand to move towards the head of your penis, forcing the blood upwards.
* If the urge to ejaculate begins to overwhelm you, take a break and try again at another time. You don’t want to ejaculate during this exercise.

What all this does is rebuilds and expands the The corpora cavernosa and the corpus spongiosum, or the spongy tissues inside your penis. The ligaments of the penis (Suspensory ligament) will become lengthened making your penis stronger and larger. In a few months time, you will notice an improvement in penis size, in the girth and length. Long-time practitioners of this workout have claimed up to several inches of length are possible.

Guys, I would also suggest you invest in a good penis pump and use it. That offers a great, and fun workout as well.

The Dare!

Now that you have some exercises, there is no excuse! Get started with these exercises as soon as possible. I dare someone to do these consistently for one month and then let us know how it worked for you!

CAT allows clit stimulation during regular orgasm which many intercourse positions do not allow.  We do recommend using plenty of lube with this position and to adjust it according to the amount of clit stimulation you are comfortable with.    This position takes the missionary position to new levels of excitement and satisfaction.

How to “Do” CAT

• Get into missionary position.  You know, woman on her back on the bottom and man on top between her legs.

• Woman’s legs should be slightly bent.

• Man should position himself higher than normal, using his arms to hold himself up better, but relax his upper body.

• Allow the woman to create most of the movement and notice the contact between her clit and the base of his penis.

• Try rocking back and forth and even side to side a bit, focusing on this contact with the clit over typical thrusting penetration alone.

Variations:

• Woman can then wrap her legs around his so that her ankles rest on his calves.

• Man can kneel between woman’s legs, with his legs bent under him, then lean over her, and position himself higher on her body.

• Insert a small bullet before penetration, you’ll both feel exquisite vibrations.

This position takes some playing around with, but is well worth the experimentation.

Our gift to you is 15% off everything at HappyHer.com until May 31.  Just use SEXYMOM in the Coupon Code at checkout.

I’m sorry, but those reasons are based in ignorance.  It’s like taste testing food.  How do you really know if you’ll like it, or how well they’ll work if you won’t even try them?

Sex toys aren’t meant to replace a partner.  You can never replace human touch and intimacy.  Never, ever, ever, ever.  Well, they do help for masturbating, but that’s a different story.  Using sex toys with your partner is meant to enhance and increase pleasure, offer more satisfying orgasms, and deepen physical and emotional intimacy.  How can that be wrong or bad?

You also can’t become addicted to sex toys.  You may like them so much that you feel addicted to them, but you’ll still find yourself having lots of sex without the toys.  In fact, you’ll probably more sex as there is great pleasure in variety.   Sex toys definitely help give you a broader range of variety to have adventures with.

The best sex toys for couples are created through years of testing.  I would love to be on that testing panel.  I think in a way my husband and I are as we like to check out a lot of different toys since I work with them all day anyway.  I can’t tell you how much they’ve added to our sex life.  Even the most simple toys can pack some great pleasure.  Some don’t work at all for us, and that’s okay too.  The ones that work for us, well, it’s worth the “duds’ for sure.  The duds still offer us something to laugh about and deepen our intimacy as we further learn what works and what doesn’t for each of us.

My reccomendation is to get some sex toys and try them out.  What have you got to lose?  Perhaps a few dollars, but most toys can be purchased for pennies on the dollar and the experience itself can be priceless.  After you’ve actually tried them once or twice, then you can make intelligent choices and you might just find your sex life going to new levels of excitement!

The Top Three Sex Toys for Couples:

Here is our pick of “starter” toys that each couple should take the time to try at least once.

• A Cockring.  A cockring is created to give a man a stronger erection with some major lasting power.  His orgasm will be significantly more intense.  Overall, this is a win-win situation for both people.  Get a cockring that is adjustable, or super stretchy to start with and see for yourself how amazing it can be.  If you like it, try a cockring that has a vibrator attached to it too for some extra delights for both of you.  You can learn how to use a Cockring HERE.

• A Bullet or Egg Vibrator.  This are small powerhouses of vibration.  They can be used to massage both of you and are exquisite to adding new levels of sensation to oral sex on either one of you.  They can be inserted vaginally (We don’t recommend anal insertion of these vibes), you can then continue with intercourse with the bullet inserted as well and you’d be amazed at how much you both may enjoy this.  You can also use it for clitoral stimulation, or perineum stimulation during intercourse as well.

• A Dildo Vibrator.  Start with a small one that won’t seem intimidating. It’s great for foreplay on each other, or to use to help finish your partner off with if you don’t last as long.  Some women can’t orgasm without a vibrator.  That’s just how some women are physically wired and is exactly why vibrators were invented in the first place.  Try it and you’ll see what satisfaction and pleasure can be accomplished.

• Don’t forget the lube!  Most sex toys work best when you use some lube with them.  Even if you use no other sex toy, lube can come in handy time and time again.

So, let’s get honest.  We use tools for everything in life.  We use them to help make our tasks easier and more pleasant to accomplish.  Well, sex toys are tools, and they are toys.  They are tools because they will do things for you that you can’t do by yourself.  Kind of like you wouldn’t change a tire with your bare hands.  They are toys because they are FUN.  Doesn’t your relationship deserve at least a chance to try them?

Marriage. living together,  having a significant other, seeing each other and no one else, those are all forms of monogamy.  When a person falls deeply in love, or at least deeply into infatuation, monogamy is a no brainer.  You simply can’t imagine sharing that energy with another person.  But it isn’t always like that, sometimes monogamy is a choice that’s made despite some major temptations or personal issues such as intimacy issues or low self esteem.  That’s where monogamy becomes a challenge and starts to lose the shine, and sometimes turn into something so negative, that people don’t even want to use that word anymore.

Even still, there are many benefits to monogamy and it’s still a highly pursued choice made by most of the population today.  Marriage rates are up and divorce rates are down, so even though monogamy seems to be loaded with negativity, love, romance, passion, marriage, and relationships seem to be on the upswing.  The Bridal Industry is booming and the trend is still to find “The One” whether you are a man or a woman.  Research has shown that monogamy is a mainstay and even though we love to hate it, we’ll continue

How Monogamy Leads to the Best Sex:

I’m sure you’ve all heard that remaining in a monogamous relationship will increase your health and life span, enable you to have a more stable financial future, provide a more stable family life, blah, blah, blah…  But have you stopped to consider the opportunities of increasing your passion in a monogamous relationship?

• Monogamous couples have more sex.
• You learn each others bodies just as well or even better than you know your own.
• Trust grows and inhibitions relax.
• You learn exactly how to turn each other on.
• You are more invested in the relationship, so you try harder.  When you try harder, you are assured of better results.
• Performance isn’t something to stress about because you know if you make a mistake, you’ll get another opportunity.
• You are more apt to try new things and find new ways to stimulate each other, bringing greater intimacy.
• You learn more about yourself with your monogamous lover than you’ll ever learn with anyone else in your life.
• Sex becomes a soul deep activity, an expression of your true inner self, not just a bang.  Although the opportunity for a quick fuck is still there too.  So, you get the best of both worlds.

I know many of you at this point, especially if you are in a long term monogamous relationship may be questioning these benefits.  Maybe you feel left to wonder why you aren’t experiencing them in your own relationship as much as you’d hoped.  Perhaps there are issues that have come between you and your partner’s ability to create the passionate life together as you had originally envisioned or experienced during those first throes of new love.

Issues such as weight gain, infidelity, addiction, children (Children are a blessing, but not for your sex life!), health issues, or resentment issues can throw a wrench in even the most loving of relationships.  In fact life seems designed to keep your focus off each other and on immediate day to day events such as careers, extended family, hobbies, etc.

Regardless of the issues you face though, I believe that your relationship can become everything you ever dreamed it could be – and more.  In fact I’ve seen it happen time and again, even from relationships that were on the brink of total failure.  These couples went from zero to total heros, and it’s totally possible that your relationship can do the same.

HappyHer.com is diligently working to help monogamous couples and singles looking for monogamous relationships every single day.  We are looking to provide more help in way of pursuing a passion filled life and we would like your assistance.

We have created a quick nine question survey.  It’s free to take and your information is kept strictly confidential.  You won’t be signed up for any junk email, it’s just a quick survey to gain insight into your opinions on monogamy and the skills you feel are required.  This will be a great help to us in the future for designing some specific ways to help every monogamous couple live a life of passionate pursuit.  Take the survey HERE.

Jenna is okay.  She has some visible injuries, but was ambulatory and driving away later in the day.  She does plan on pressing charges against Tito Ortiz and he has been arrested for domestic violence.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out.  We’ve been a huge fan of Jenna and of Tito over the years and truly hope the best for both of them.

In the meantime, check out some of Jenna’s movies.  She’s an icon in the adult movie industry with good cause.  But it’s not only her acting, she is a strong woman who has done things in her own way in a typically male run industry.

Green Sex Tips

• Shower together – it’s super sexy and saves water!

• Try Bamboo bedsheets!  Bamboo fabric is silky and slippery, but not as slippery as satin.  They wick away moisture, have natural antimicrobial properties, comes from a rapidly renewable resource.  What is sexier than that?

• Taste Sweeter by eating a mostly vegan diet.  Reducing red meat in your diet, and increasing your servings of fruit and vegetables will give you sweeter tasting sex juices!  Your partner will love oral so much more when you taste delicious.

• Use natural aphrodisiacs.  Before opting for pills to enhance your libido, go for natural aphrodisiacs such as Horny Goat Weed, Ginseng, and even chocolate to help increase desire.

Green Sex Toys

• Rechargeable sex toys that are phthalate free is a great way to show a commitment to taking better care of the earth!  HappyHer.com has picked out an exciting collection of rechargeable sex toys for you to choose from.

• Glass Sex Toys is also a great choice.  Glass sex toys don’t have the same toxic chemicals that are harmful to our health or the environment.  See the collection of glass sex toys that you can use alone or with your partner.  You can heat them up or cool them down with water or even in the frig for an amazing experience.

Get Free Organic Lube!

To celebrate Earth Day, HappyHer.com will give you a free bottle of Aloe Cadabra™Organic Lube.  Just place any order for over $50.00 and we will automatically send your free lube to you along with your order.  Offer is available until supplies run out.

Aloe Cadabra™ is the smooth and silky organic surprise that is more fun and safer for you than the harmful chemical brands. It’s pleasurable for you, and delightful when shared with a partner. The juicy aloe sensation is a gynecological health ally and a dream come true. This organic, all natural food grade gel soothes your most sensitive tissues with a lubricity that magically enhances all intimate encounters.  It won’t harm condoms or other synthetic toys. It’s not a spermicide and will not prevent STDs, but is safe if ingested.